


this is our sanctuary

by MaddieandChimney



Series: Multi-Chapter Fics [5]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Gen, trigger warning for mentions of rebar, will tag characters as they start appearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:01:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 30,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26801062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddieandChimney/pseuds/MaddieandChimney
Summary: Maddie wishes she could even begin to explain to her friends, her brother, her colleagues, even to herself, why she turns up at the hospital every single day to talk to a man she's never even met.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Howie "Chimney" Han & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Maddie Buckley/Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Series: Multi-Chapter Fics [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1815556
Comments: 122
Kudos: 50





	1. Chapter 1

“Hey, it’s me again.”

Maddie knows its crazy, even when she’s walking into the room, a forced smile on her face and a vase of flowers in her hands, she just knows that she should probably walk back out. But there she is, as she is every single day and she has no idea why. She’s tried to explain it a thousand times over to her brother, to her friends, to her colleagues but the words never come. How could she ever begin to make anyone understand why she visited a man she had never met outside of the hospital walls when she couldn’t even understand it herself?

“I thought you’d like the sunflowers today, I heard you had a rough night.” There’s no answer, there never is and she doesn’t expect one to come. But she still has hope, even after three months of silence, she still hasn’t given up on the man in the bed. After all, he’d survived for this long, he’d beaten the odds from the second he had been wheeled into the hospital with a piece of rebar through his head. He shouldn’t have even been breathing when she had first laid eyes on him, but there he was.

It’s with a smile that she sets the vase on the side, moving to walk over to the bed, “I know we finished Lord of the Rings yesterday, which I’m sure you’re disappointed about but hey, I got The Great Gatsby today, it’s one of my favourites. Maybe it’s one of yours, too? I don’t know. Maybe you hate it and that hatred will pull you out of your coma, maybe you’re really fed up of hearing my voice.” Slowly, she moves to sit down on the chair next to his bed, pulling the book from her bag, resting it on her lip. “So, if you’re fed up of me and want me to leave, you should open your eyes and let me know.”

A nervous laugh falls from her lips as she waits, giving it just a minute before she shrugs her shoulders, “Well, I guess you’re going to have to put up with me reading this to you, then.” Maddie sighs, taking one of his hands in her own as she watches his face carefully. The surgery had gone well, as well as brain surgery could go and then he just hadn’t woken up and no one could really explain why. Just as she couldn’t explain why she spent every spare minute she was allowed within visiting hours, at his bedside.

“You know,” The woman brushes her thumb against the back of his hand, “I thought about you a lot today. There was a pile up and I was talking to one of the drivers on the phone, they were injured but I knew they were going to be okay but—I remember hearing you on the other end of the phone, how kind your voice was—is. How kind your voice is because you’re still in there somewhere, I know you are. I know we didn’t know this at the time, about the rebar—we didn’t know how badly you were injured, only that you couldn’t move your neck—but I still can’t forget the way you asked me if I was okay. You had dialled 9-1-1 for help and you asked me if I was okay.”

It’s with a laugh that Maddie shakes her head, wiping at the tears that fall down her cheeks, “I finished my shift that night about three hours after you called but I couldn’t shake you off. I-I tried so hard to push it away. Sometimes it’s best not to know the outcome, you know? Sometimes it’s nice to pretend that it all worked out and if I didn’t come to the hospital, I could have just made up a story in my head that you were okay and you were living your life, that you were back working at the LAFD and you were happy. I think that would have been the easy option but then I-I just had to find out, didn’t I? I couldn’t forget your voice, how scared you were, how our conversation left me wanting more even though I was just trying to keep you calm as help got there. It felt like more and I don’t know if you felt that, too but—well, I guess this could go one a few ways, right? Maybe you can’t hear me and that saves you the trouble of having to listen to me drone on all the time or maybe you can—and maybe you’ll wake up and you’ll be grateful or maybe you’ll hate me or—maybe you’ll never wake up. I still believe in you, though. You’re not really going to keep a girl waiting forever, are you?”

She wonders if he thinks she’s crazy, too – he’d spoken to her on the phone in what was probably one of the worst moments of his life and then there she was, at the hospital every single day since. Maddie can see the worry in her brother’s face when she mentions where she’s been but she feels drawn to him. And if that’s _crazy,_ then she’s happy to be labelled as such. The world was small and full of little coincidences here and there but there had to be a reason she was the 9-1-1 operator who answered that call, there had to be a reason that a few weeks later, her brother had joined the very same station that Chimney was a part of. There had to be a reason that she just couldn’t let go and that reason surely can’t be so she can watch him die or waste away slowly.

There had to be another reason for the universe pulling her towards a man who’s eyes she had never seen in person, who’s voice she had only ever heard on the phone, who’s story she had only ever heard from his friends and colleagues. There had to be a bigger and better reason than her just talking to the ghost of a man who no longer existed.

“I feel like I’ve told you my entire life story and I don’t really know much about yours. I’ve heard stories from your friends, I know what a hero you are, I know how loved and respected you are but I still don’t know who you are beyond what other people tell me. Aren’t you bored of just hearing about me by now?” When she stops talking, she’s met only with the gentle sound of beeping, her eyes glancing towards the monitor as she watches the lines steadily move with each sound. He’s alive and he’s breathing, his brain is still functioning, there’s still a chance and as long as there’s still a chance, she’ll be there.

“Okay, well, I guess it’s just me talking for today. Don’t worry, Hen told me you’re not usually the silent and broody type.” Her hand tightens in his own, pausing again in the hopes that some sort of miracle will occur and he’ll open his eyes or he will squeeze her hand but still, nothing. “Great Gatsby it is.” It’s with a sigh that she pulls her hand from his to open the book, “As always, if you need me to stop reading, just say the word.”

Her eyes flick to his face once more, hating how disappointed she feels at the lack of movement, wondering how much longer she can torture herself like this. Finally, she looks down at the pages of the book she holds in her hand, taking a deep breath before she talks, “In my younger and more vulnerable years…”


	2. Chapter 2

Maddie looks up at the sound of the door opening, relaxing when she sees it’s Hen and not anyone else to come and poke and prod at the man who looks to be peacefully sleeping (even if she knows they have to do that and that he’s not just sleeping, it’s nice to pretend). “Hey, do you want me to go?” She hopes the answer is a no, it usually is but she knows that she is nothing more than the 9-1-1 operator that Chimney had spoken to for all of ten minutes to him and Hen is his best friend. If she wants Maddie to leave, she’d go, no questions asked.

“No, no. I just wrapped up my shift, wanted to come check on him.” It’s been three months since Maddie had met the other woman for the first time, messily trying to explain why she was even in the room of the man she didn’t even know in the first place but it had felt like an entire lifetime had passed since then. They had become firm friends as she had told Maddie stories of a man she wasn’t sure she would ever know. That was something she tried not to dwell on too much, but the knowledge was still there in the back of her mind that, even if he did wake up, he might not be the person she feels as though she’s gotten to know through his friends and family. “Were you reading to him?”

“Yeah, we are halfway through The Great Gatsby, I think he’s enjoying it.” They both grin at each other, Maddie watching as Hen moves to the chair on the other side of his bed, the smile quickly leaving her face when her eyes settle on his face.

“It’s been months and it’s still weird seeing him like this.”

“I can only imagine.” Maddie hasn’t really known him any other way, she has seen his eyes through photographs and had even heard his laugh in videos that his friends had shown her but she hasn’t held the hand of that man who seemed to have so much life, who seemed to enjoy his life, too. The stories that people tell her bring her comfort but at the same time, makes her wonder if they will still bring that same level of comfort if he does wake up and he has changed in some way. The things she had heard about him had conjured up a perception of a man that she wanted to get to know but she doesn’t want to be disappointed if he opens his eyes and has changed either mentally or physically. “Are you doing okay, Hen? You seem…” Sad doesn’t seem to be the right word, she’s always felt that from the woman but the past few days it’s started to feel as though she’s giving up hope. “… distant?”

That doesn’t feel like the right word either but Hen still nods her head a little, her eyes not leaving the face of her best friend. “Bobby didn’t want to but he finally got a permanent replacement for Chimney this week and I guess—I guess it hit me harder than I thought it would? I knew it was coming, he’d sat me down a few weeks ago and told me that there was a demand from people higher up than him that it was time to accept that he needed a new member of the team.” Maddie is quick to place the book she had been holding on the bed before she stands up and makes her way over to the other side of the bed, resting a hand on her shoulder.

“Can I hug you?” Maddie bites down on her lip in an attempt to stop her own tears because that is the last thing Hen needs. It’s only when the woman nods her head that Maddie moves in front of her, leaning down to wrap both her arms around her. The gesture is enough to stop her from holding back, her body shaking with the intensity of the sobs as her arms move to wrap around Maddie’s waist, pulling her as close as she can despite their awkward position.

It’s not until the sobs calm down some, a few minutes later, that Maddie pulls back just a little to brush her thumb beneath the paramedic’s cheeks, capturing the tears that are still falling as she does. “I’m so sorry, Hen, I can’t even imagine how difficult this is for you.”

“He’s my best friend, I just love him so much and he-he deserves so much better than this, this isn’t what he would have wanted.” Those words fill her heart with fear, although she tries not to let it show as she nods her head a little. “It’s Chimney, and he’s so good, he loved life so much, you know? You haven’t even met him, not the real him and you’ve fallen in love with him, that’s just who he is.”

Her cheeks flush at the words, a timid shake of her head following, “I’ve fallen in love with the idea of a man that I may never get to know. And even if he wakes up and he’s the exact same, he might think I’m a creepy stalker and want nothing to do with me.” Maddie tries to crack a joke in an attempt to ease the tension, smiling when Hen at least lets out a small laugh.

“I like to believe that he’s been listening and I know he knows that you are so much more than that, Maddie. You’ve been here since day one and I know that he’s still in there and he’s so grateful.” It means a lot to hear those words from the woman who has known him for the past ten years, the woman who so clearly means the world to Chimney judging by the photographs she’s seen and the stories she’d heard about his bond with Hen and Karen’s son, how he spends Christmas with them, how much Denny adores his Uncle Chimney. 

“I like to believe he’s listening, too. I just… he’s so loved, I wish he would open his eyes so he can see it, too, you know?” Maddie smiles at Hen before she moves back to her position on the other side of the bed, taking a deep breath as she takes his hand and brings it to her lips, pressing a kiss to his knuckles as she does. “I feel crazy for being here, sometimes, Josh even suggested I go see a therapist but I just feel like this is where I need to be, I feel as though I need to see this through even if it doesn’t have a happy ending.”

Both of the women flinch at those words and Maddie opens her mouth to apologise before Hen shakes her head, “You’re right, this might not end the way we want it to but at least he isn’t alone. That’s all Chimney would have ever wanted… being surrounded by friends and family, that was always his favourite thing.”

“I’m not either of those things.”

“Of course you are, just because he isn’t awake and even if he can’t hear everything we say right now, yours is still one of the last voices he heard. And besides, who wouldn’t like the woman who read the entire Lord of the Rings series to him?”

Maddie lets out a laugh as she shakes her head, “It wasn’t _that_ bad,” Their eyes meet, “okay, it was awful but I think he liked it.”

“I’m sure he loved it.”

Both of them nod their heads until their attention turns towards the man who had brought them together without even knowing. Maddie wonders how life could have been so different, she knows she would have met him anyway, eventually, through her brother. Maybe they would have hit it off, maybe he’d have made her laugh, maybe they’d have gotten to know each other either as friends or something more. Their worlds would have ended up intertwining eventually but they’ll never know what could have been, only what is right now. And what is right now is the fact that he was in a coma that he may never pull out from and all she can do is visit him practically every single day and read to him and tell him about her day, and get to know his friends and his family in a way that doesn’t feel intrusive but still feels as though she’s hoping for something that might not exist.

“Did I ever tell you about the time I first joined the 118? How he tried so hard to be my friend and I just—I kept pushing him away but he just kept trying… it didn’t matter what I said or what I did. He had been through it all when he had joined the LAFD and he wanted me to feel as though I had a friend.” Maddie smiles as Hen talks, it was a story she had already told her twice before but she shakes her head anyway and rests her elbows on the bed, her chin in her hands as she listens to her talking about how kind the man was and how persistent he had been despite Hen being more than a little standoffish.

Maddie knows that the words are bringing Hen some form of comfort and maybe they’re helping Chimney too and it doesn’t matter how many times she has to hear a particular story, it’s nice to feel close to him, to feel as though he would have tried to be her friend, too. So, she lets her continue, enjoying the way the woman smiles as she talks about the kind of person Chimney is. The kind of person Maddie wishes she could get to know for herself, her eyes move to his face, hating how much she hopes that she’ll just see a flicker of something in his face, _anything_. But there’s still nothing other than her unrelenting hope that she will see those eyes for herself one day.


	3. Chapter 3

“I just don’t get it, Maddie! You don’t know him. Is this—I don’t know, some sort of belated grief thing? Do you feel guilty over what happened with—”

God, her brother could be completely dense sometimes and Maddie doesn’t know whether she wants to slap him, scream at him or run out of the station and ignore about the hundred calls that would quickly follow. Maddie had moved to LA just a few months before her brother had, trying to put as much distance as she possibly could between herself and Hershey. Of course, Buck had followed her eventually, citing that he had already lost her once, he wasn’t about to do so again. They were close, had been since the day he was born but sometimes he forgot that Maddie was perfectly capable of making her own decisions based on her heart or her brain and not a trauma she had suffered through.

“I’m worried about you.”

The second that Buck steps towards her, Maddie takes a step back, folding her arms over her chest as she shakes her head. She doesn’t even know what to say to him, beyond the glare on her face and the incessant rejection every single time he tries to force her to meet his eyes. “Maddie, I just—I’m your brother and I can see you’re hurting over someone who you’ve never even spoken to—” He must see the way her mouth opens in an attempt to defend herself because he shuts that down quickly, “—in person. You’ve never spoken to him in person and the one time you did, he was going through probably one of the worst experiences of his life.”

Sure, Buck can be dense sometimes but she knows he’s right, too and maybe that’s why it hurts so much to hear it coming from him as she just shakes her head in response. Fourteen weeks and two days. That’s how long it had been since she had received that 9-1-1 call, since she had heard the scared voice on the other end. Thirteen weeks and six days was how long it had been since she had walked into the hospital room for the first time, when curiosity had gotten the best of her and she just had to check on the man who’s fate she had been thinking about since that evening. She’d had no clue back then that she would still be visiting him all these weeks later and if she had, maybe she would have done things differently.

“Just because you don’t understand something, it doesn’t make it wrong.” Maddie finally whispers, her eyes full of unshed tears when she finally looks up at her brother’s face. “I don’t understand it either, okay? And I wish I could stand here and give you all the answers that you need to hear but I can’t because I don’t have them either. I just know that I have to be there, that I have to do this. Even if it hurts, even if the ending hurts more. I just feel drawn to him in a way I can’t explain, okay?” Slowly, she takes a step closer to her brother, dropping the defensive stance of her folded arms as she bites down on her lip, deep in thought for a second. “I just think that right now, sitting by his bedside reading to him and talking to him and listening to the people who love him… I think that’s where I need to be, and I need you to be okay with that. You don’t have to understand it, you don’t even have to like it but just accept it for what it is, please?”

A few beats of silence pass between them, his blue eyes looking into hers before he takes a deep breath, “But what is it?”

“It’s—everything and nothing all at the same time, I guess.” The answer means nothing, and she can tell by the confusion on his face as he scrunches up his nose that it’s not good enough and it definitely doesn’t answer the question he had voiced aloud and most certainly not the ones he holds in his head. But she’s thankful when he nods anyway, closing the gap a little more between them so he can take both of her hands in his own, at least giving her a trace of a smile as he does.

“I’m just really worried about you but I trust you and your judgement.” That’s all she needs to hear from him, although she’s sure it’ll be a different story in a few more weeks if Chimney is still comatose and she’s still keeping vigil at his bedside. But that’s a problem for future Maddie, she supposes.

“Anyway, I’m on my way to the hospital and Hen told me that she’s emptying out his locker today. I-I was just gonna see if there was anything I could take with me, anything he might need when he wakes up.” It’s not missed, the way Buck flinches when she says ‘when’ and not ‘if’ he wakes up. Maddie had always been hopeful and he had too, at one point, and she wishes she knows when that had changed. When her little brother had gone from wearing his heart on his sleeve to being careful and apprehensive.

“Uh, yeah—Hen and Cap are there now, Eddie and I didn’t know him and I guess Joe still feels that awkward tension over the fact he’s a replacement that no one really wanted.” Maddie frowns at that, remembering the uncomfortable feeling she’d gotten in her stomach and the tightness of her chest as Hen had cried about the fact they were finally replacing her best friend. She knew a lot about Chimney but one thing that had always stood out was how much he loved his job and how much he adored the family he’d gotten as a member of the 118. And she knows that he is loved right back, judging from the cards and the visitors and the tears people had cried over seeing him so silent and so still. So unlike the animated, sarcastic, joyful man that she had been told about.

She gives his hand a tight squeeze before she lets go, moving past him with a smile as she heads towards the locker room, watching the two people closest to Chimney as they stand in front of a bench full of stuff that she assumes had once belonged to a man that may not really exist anymore. It’s just for a second, but she wonders if death would have been a kinder fate, rather than the limbo Chimney and his family and friends had found themselves in, not knowing what the future held. “Hey, we were just talking about you.”

Her eyes meet Hen’s before she can even say a word as she stands in the doorway, unsure how she can disturb the two of them as they seem so deep in thought and sadness. “You were?”

“Yeah, we found this in the back of Chimney’s locker,” Maddie steps forward to take the book that the other woman holds out for her, fingers running over the title with a tear filled smile on her face, “it looks as though he’s read it a few times, must be one of his favourites, even though I don’t think I ever saw him read a book.”

“The Great Gatsby.” Maddie grins as she pulls her eyes away from the well-worn cover, holding it close to her chest as she does. “Well, at least we know if he’s listening, then it’s not all too awful, right?”

Bobby only gives her a small smile, squeezing her shoulder when she walks past them to take a better look at everything they had so carefully placed on the bench. The Captain was one of the people who visited as often as he possibly could, next to Hen, his was probably the face she saw the most and whilst he’s often quiet and a little broody, less open than Hen had been to share stories, she knows how much he cares. “Huh, he really likes gum.” Maddie laughs, bending down a little to pick up one of five multi packs, shaking her head as she does.

“I could probably count the amount of times I’ve seen him without gum in his mouth on one hand.” She tilts her head to look at Bobby when he talks, both of them sharing a smile before her attention moves to an old photograph, dropping the pack of gum to pick it up as she stares at the beautiful woman beaming at the camera, with a little boy held close in her arms.

“His mom?”

“Yeah, he doesn’t talk about her much but she was everything to him.” Maddie nods her head, tucking the photograph away safely within the pages of the book before she looks back down at the items in front of them.

“I’m sure he’ll be putting all this stuff back in his locker again one day.” A big part of her really does believe those words as she holds the book a little tighter to her chest, “I don’t think he’s ready to give all this up, he just needs a little more time.”

“Just a little more time.” Bobby repeats, moving to pick up a few of the shirts and the gum, “I’m going to set all this down in the Captain’s office until then.” Somehow, just those words coming from the usually reserved man is enough to make Maddie feel a whole new surge of hope, whilst Hen seems to stand up a little straighter. Out of the corner of her eye, Maddie can see the way she’s biting down on her lip and gripping a little too tightly at the fabric of her shirt, as though she’s doing her best not to burst into tears.

“I’m glad you’re here, Maddie.” The silence is broken the second the two of them watch Bobby walk out with as much of the stuff as he can carry in his arms, Maddie turning to Hen when she talks. “Just when I can feel myself giving up on him, you—you remind me that there’s still hope. Thank you.”

She wishes she had the words to reply to it, gulping down the lump in her throat instead as she holds back the tears that so long to fall, moving to rest her head on Hen’s shoulder instead as she takes a breath. “Thank you for never judging me and for never telling me to leave.”

“I know that it might sound weird but I think he wants you there. I think he can hear us and when he wakes up, he’ll know that you were there and that will mean the world to him.”

Maddie doesn’t say anything about the wetness she can feel on the top of her head when Hen wraps an arm around her, knowing that it was hard for her. That the past nearing on four months had been some of the most difficult in her life, watching as her best friend wastes away in front of her eyes, never knowing when or if he would wake up and when or if he did, if he would be the person she knew. Instead, she moves her own hand to rub at the other woman’s back, falling into a comfortable silence as she grips at the book tightly in her other hand, a small smile on her face as she just imagines him reading the words she had said aloud to him.

It’s such a small thing but somehow it means the world to her and she hopes, more than anything else, that it means a lot to him, too.


	4. Chapter 4

The first sign of hope comes at three in the morning in the form of a phone call.

Maddie is only half-dressed and wearing odd shoes by the time she turns up at the hospital just fifteen minutes later. Her hair a mess, the make-up she had forgotten to take off before passing out in bed after a long shift smudged as she half walks, half stumbles into his room as she rubs her sleep filled eyes.

For a second, she’s thankful that Hen looks about as awful as she feels she does right then, until she feels the panic start to settle in that _this_ could be the first time Chimney ever laid eyes on her. It’s a fleeting thought, entirely too vain for three in the morning because it doesn’t matter how she looks, all that matter is that’s he okay. The woman only glances over at Chimney, surrounded by two doctors and as many nurses, each of them discussing between themselves before she wraps her arms around Hen. She hadn’t really made much sense on the phone, but Maddie had understood enough of it to force her out of bed, after just a few hours sleep.

“H-he uh, he opened his eyes apparently, h-he said something… nothing that made any sense, that’s what the doctor told me on the phone but um, he did—he’s waking up. They think he’s waking up.” Maddie bites down on her lip when she pulls back to look into the tear-filled eyes of Chimney’s best friend, giving her as big a smile as she can possibly manage as she squeezes each of her shoulders.

“This is great news, Hen, really great news.” Had she been expecting a little more than that? Perhaps. But she’s happy to know that something is moving in the right direction, she’s grateful to know that there is still some life remaining in the man she had heard so much about. Maybe she hates herself a little for feeling relief at the fact he’s not going to see her looking like she does right then (hey, if he’s going to think she’s a creepy stalker then she’d rather look hot whilst he says so). 

There’s silence between them for a moment, as Maddie rests her head on Hen’s shoulder and her arm wraps around her, “You’re disappointed.” Hen finally whispers, “I-I got your hopes up a little too much, didn’t I?”

“No, no, it’s not—I let my half-asleep mind get the best of me, I should have known he wouldn’t just wake up like they do in movies, right?” It’s with an awkward laugh that Maddie lets her gaze wander over to the man still lying on the bed, pouting when she thinks about how she had let her imagination get the best of her on the short drive to the hospital. How she had thought that he would be sitting up in bed, talking and when she walked in, he’d recognise her straight away as the voice he’d heard so many times. She should have known better, but a girl can dream, she supposes. Even if sometimes those dreams hurt a lot more than they should when she realises they probably won’t ever become reality.

Another half an hour passes and Maddie is barely listening when the doctor explains everything to them. She hopes that Hen is taking it all in because all she can do is stare at the man on the bed as his hand twitches just a little and she can see the way his eyes are moving behind closed lids, as though he’s dreaming. It’s all good signs, symptoms that means he could wake up, or he could remain in a state of minimal consciousness for weeks, months or forever. That part is something she barely wants to think about when she finally moves away from his fellow paramedic and settles herself down on the chair next to his bed.

There’s still a hope inside of her when she takes his hand in her own that he will give hers a squeeze, just so she knows that he knows that someone is there. Maybe she can blame that unrealistic hope on the fact that she had been woken up to a sobbing woman on the phone just three hours after she had managed to fall asleep. Maybe she can blame it on the fact that there is nothing more she longs for in this world than to see his eyes for herself or to see that gorgeous smile she’s only ever seen captured in photographs. Mostly she can blame it on the fact she’s fallen head over heels for a man who doesn’t even know her name and probably doesn’t even know she exists beyond being the calm voice on the other end of the phone when he needed it the most. She can’t help but wonder if all that money she had spent on therapy has gone to waste after all.

Maddie doesn’t find her voice until the doctor has closed the door behind him, leaving them with a warning that it’s outside of visitor hours so they may have to leave soon. Hen leaves him with a not so subtle warning of her own that they’re not going anywhere, not tonight, not when they had both driven there half-asleep in the hopes they would see a lot more than a crowd of medical staff around a still comatose man. “You sure do know how to keep a girl waiting, don’t you?” Her thumb brushes over his knuckles, her eyes fixated on his face, although she can see Hen moving to sit on the end of his bed from the corner of her eye.

“He’s worth the wait.” She doesn’t dare herself to look up at the other woman as she fights back tears of her own, lifting his hand to press against her lips. It’s pointless trying to hold them back because seconds later, there’s a wetness on his hand that she wishes she could stop, always shedding tears for a man who might wake up and hate her for intruding on his life in such a way. That’s how she feels sometimes and the nights when she has those dreams, those are the hardest. The dreams when he wakes up and tells her to leave, the ones where he looks at her as though she’s a complete freak (the same way Buck looked at her the first time he realised her comatose friend was actually working at the firehouse he’d just been assigned to), the ones where he tells her to get out and not come back. The fears she had revisited with Josh, her best friend, who had looked at her as though she maybe needed to accept the very possible reality that any of those things could be his reaction. It wasn’t a Hollywood movie after all.

Maddie can remember how Hen had told her that all Chimney wanted was to fall in love with someone who gave as much as they took. That was the one thing that had failed him in past relationships – he was always the one to fall harder for them, than they did for him which never seemed possible. He’d embellished the truth a lot in his last relationship, in the hopes that he would keep her interested. Maddie knows that lies don’t get anyone anywhere and they certainly don’t lead to a happy ending, no matter what.

“Am I crazy?”

“I mean, possibly, but aren’t we all?” Long gone are the meaningful, heartfelt words of the woman from the first few dozen times Maddie had asked that question. Their friendship has gone beyond that now, forged in the confides of a hospital room and extended way beyond that over the last four months. The two of them look at each other with grins on their faces, despite the tear stains on their cheeks before Hen just shakes her head. “I learnt a long time ago that sometimes you just have to listen to your heart and not the people around you. I know you’re not expecting Chimney to wake up and be in love with you, I know that the chances of that happening are minimal but—you being here will mean something to him and whether that something is a lifelong friendship – because that’s what you’ll get with him, always – or something more than that, time will tell. But you’re not crazy for being here, Maddie.”

“Do you promise?”

“I promise.”

Maddie only gives a small nod of her head as she moves to rest her head on the edge of the bed, holding his hand as tightly as she can when she feels sleep starting to pull her in. It comes easily, it always does when she can feel the warmth of his hand in hers, knowing that he’s still with them. Dreams filled with hope of something more than visiting him in a hospital room and listening to him replay all the stories she’s probably already heard a hundred times from his friends.

Maddie tries not to let that hope grow too much when she wakes up a few hours later to her hand no longer holding his, and his hand gently resting on her head instead. Reflexes, that’s what she tells herself, so not to read too much into it. Her rapidly beating heart doesn’t get that message through when she wakes up to fingers gently curled into her hair and neither does the flush of her cheeks when she takes his hand back in hers as she sits up, groaning at the tension in her neck as she does.

It’s just hard not to read into every little movement as something more than it might be. It’s hard to let go of that ever-lingering hope that each twitch means _something,_ anything. Maybe one day she’ll see those eyes for herself. Maybe.


	5. Chapter 5

Maddie wonders if she stares at him hard enough and for long enough if he’ll grow uncomfortable under her gaze and finally open his eyes in front of her. It’s been two days since he’d been upgraded from a coma to a minimally conscious state and sometimes, she can see the way his eyes flicker beneath closed lids and his hands twitch. There’s someone in there but who that someone is, no one knows but Maddie still clings onto the hope that it’s someone she recognises from the stories and the photographs, from the smiles he gives to people when they talk about him and who he is… not who he was, she refuses to believe that even for a second.

With one finger, she traces small circles on the back of his hand as she bites down on her lip and stares down at the magazine in her lap. “Okay, so, this woman wrote to the advice column because she’s having sex with her twin sister’s husband. That’s disturbing.” It’s with a sigh that she flicks the page, glancing over the words of the trashy real-life magazine, wondering when her life became something that could be plastered over the front of it.

It’s with confusion that she finds herself looking up at his face when she’s entirely certain she’d heard a groan. But then there’s nothing and it’s too easy to shake her head as she tries to remind herself that she’d imagined it but still, she doesn’t take her eyes off of his face for a few moments. Until there’s another groan, followed almost immediately by the sound of her chair scraping back and the magazine falling to the floor the second she stands up. “Ch-Chimney?” There’s a massive part of her that knows she should run out of there and get a nurse or a doctor, or someone to look him over but instead, it feels as though her feet are cemented to the ground and all she can do is stare and wait.

His eyes open and they’re just as she had seen in the pictures, just as she had imagined a thousand times over. Her heart feels as though it’s about to burst from her chest when glazed over eyes settle on her and it’s the first time he’s ever looked at her, even though she’s looked at him hundreds of times. The sun shining through the window of his room proves to be too much and his eyes quickly shut and her feet somehow feel light again, enough so she can practically run to the other side of the room and close the blinds until the room falls into relative darkness and once again, his eyes open.

Maddie knows she has thought about this moment far too many times and she had so many things she had been prepared to say but when it’s actually happening in front of her, she doesn’t know if any words could ever be enough. How can she ever tell the person lying on the bed right then that, without him ever knowing her, he’d had such a massive impact on her life over the last few months? She takes a deep breath, stepping back towards the bed as her entire body shakes and she holds back the tears. It’s all too easy to force a smile on her face, a skill she had picked up from years of being a nurse but also months of hoping he’d wake up and see her.

All he does is stare at her, unmoving apart from the occasional blink and it’s both terrifying and reassuring, if those feelings intertwined are at all possible. She knows she has to say something, _anything_ to at least give him some sort of comfort but all she finds herself doing is clumsily taking his hand in her own as she chews down on her lip. “Y-you don’t know me, I’m Maddie… I’m—” Who was she? She doesn’t even know what she’s meant to say but she forces a smile, “it doesn’t matter who I am, I-I’m gonna go get someone. I just—thank you.” Those two words don’t seem enough to let him know the impact him opening his eyes has on her, tears in her eyes, “Thank you for waking up and for fighting.”

He doesn’t say anything and she doesn’t want to leave him alone but she knows she can’t just stand there and wait for his eyes to close again. She’s only gone for a minute, her voice panicked as she explains to the first nurse she sees that his eyes are open. Still, she’s terrified that when she walks back into the room with someone, he’ll have fallen back into his sleep-like state and they’ll think she’s gone crazy. Sometimes she thinks she has.

Deep down, she knows that it’s only one singular step and they’re still at the very bottom of the stairs to him fully recovering, if he ever reaches the top of that hypothetical staircase. There’s an overwhelming amount of relief only when she sees the fact that his eyes are still very much open and he seems a little more aware of his surroundings, gazing instead at the IV drip next to his bed and then the doctor when he announces himself. That’s something, Maddie supposes, he can hear them and he can see them, that’s _something_.

Still, her hands shake so much that she struggles to type out a simple text to Hen, who had only stepped out half an hour before to go grab them something for dinner after they’d stayed at the hospital all day, both of them off work at the same time, for once.

Maddie listens as the doctor talks, going through the copious amount of tests he needs ordered to one of the nurses and she finds it overwhelming just listening, so she can’t imagine for even a second how Chimney must be feeling. Test after test reeled off, lights being shined in his eyes, hands all over him. When she hears his voice for the first time, she’s not surprised at the anger and the confusion deep within the hoarse, pained tone, “Leave me alone.”

If the doctor offers any sort of comfort or reassurance, Maddie doesn’t hear it and already, she can feel the anger building up within her, the fierce protectiveness of the man who didn’t know her taking over when she steps forward. “Don’t you think this is all too much? You’re—” She doesn’t want to say scaring him because that seems all too inferior to describe how he must be feeling. He doesn’t know what’s going on, he might not even remember the accident that landed him in the hospital in the first place, she can’t even imagine the level of terror and confusion he must be feeling. “Shouldn’t you just give him a little space? You’re not helping him right now.” Even she can see the panic ever increasing on his face, _hear_ it in the beeping of the machine next to his bed and she’s far too close to going over there and tearing the medical staff away from his bedside one by one.

Luckily, at least, it seems one of the nurses agrees with her because she takes a step back and her colleague does the same. The doctor doesn’t though and Maddie easily moves to slide herself between him and the hospital bed, a look on her face that she hopes tells him that she isn’t messing around. Patient care came first and she knows that there are tests that need to be done, questions that need to be asked but it’s too much, too soon. “Give him ten minutes.”

It’s not until the room is empty once more than she turns to look at the man who already looks exhausted and her hand moves to press to his forehead, affectionately lifting her fingers through his hair. “I know you’re probably scared right now but Hen will be here soon, she literally just left to go grab some food and I know you don’t know me but I feel as though I know you and I’m just going to stay right here until you feel a little calmer, okay?” It’s with every ounce of confidence within her that she finds her other hand moving to rest over his chest, feeling the way his heart thumps erratically whilst his breathing starts to slow down. Perhaps it’s the hope she has within her that makes her believe she sees a recognition within his eyes and she tries not to let herself think about it too much as she tries to think of something to say.

“This is going to sound totally crazy but I spoke to you on the phone, the night of your uh—the night you ended up here.” She doesn’t want to trigger a memory in him or confuse him even more if he doesn’t remember what happened, so she glosses over it as quicky as she can. “I’m a 911 dispatcher and I just had to make sure you were okay and you can totally tell me to go away if you want, I-I won’t be—offended or angry or anything. If that’s what you want, but I’m going to stay until Hen gets here at least, okay?” He doesn’t say anything in return, so it’s with a nervous laugh that she moves her hand to brush her thumb just beneath his eyes to capture a tear that falls. “It’s a crazy small world because about a week later, my little brother joined the 118. It’s his first ever station and he was so excited—just some crazy coincidence, I guess.”

“He’s awake?” It’s Hen’s voice that pulls her from her own thoughts as she wonders what she can possibly say next. It’s not that it’s awkward, it’s just that she doesn’t know what to say to him or how much information is too much information and if he will hate her when he realises that she’s just some woman who has stayed by his side for four months without ever meeting him. There’s a wide grin on her face when she looks up at the woman she’d consider to be a good, close friend, nodding her head. “Oh my god—Chimney? Hey, it’s Hen—it’s—” His eyes move over to the other woman when she moves to the other side of his bed with tears freely falling down her cheeks.

“You have no idea how much I have wanted to see those eyes of yours open.”

“Hen?” The sob of relief that falls from her lips breaks Maddie’s heart because they had been so sure that even if he did wake up, he might not remember anything or anyone. The fact that he knows exactly who she is settles all those greatest fears they had once had.

“That’s right, I’m here and you’re awake… you’re actually awake.” Maddie drops her hand from his forehead so Hen can replace it with her own as she looks into the brown eyes of the man lying on the bed as though she’s trying to convince herself that it’s all real. She doesn’t want to leave but she also knows she probably doesn’t belong, even if she wishes she did, moving to take a step back until hands clasp tightly around the wrist of the hand that had been resting on his chest.

He doesn’t look at her, he doesn’t say anything, but his grip is tight and it keeps her still, silent tears falling down her cheeks when Hen glances up at her and they both smile at each other. Chimney is awake and whilst there’s still so many hurdles to jump through, Maddie can’t help but feel hopeful, especially when there’s a gentle pull on her arm that gives her the permission she needs to step forward and once again, close the gap between her and the side of his bed, watching as his other hand moves to Hen’s.

And there’s that surge of hope she has again when his head tilts towards hers and she moves her other hand to settle on his cheek, wiping at the tears before they can hit the pillow beneath his head. Maddie doesn’t think she’s ever been so comforted in watching someone else cry, just admiring the feeling of his tears in her hand because it means he’s alive and he’s aware of what’s going on around him to some extent.

“You’re going to be okay.” She whispers, although she doesn’t know if it’s true, grinning up at Hen through her own tears as they both nod at each other, as though giving each other permission to cling to the hope that it’s all going to be okay.


	6. Chapter 6

After months of not entirely caring about the volume of their voices, their laughter or their cries, it’s easy to forget that the man lying in the bed needs peace and quiet as both Maddie and Hen burst out into laughter at a long-forgotten story Bobby is telling of when he asked Chimney the story of how he got his nickname. “Shut up, just shut up!”

Bobby’s voice and their giggles are quick to die off the second the man snaps, one hand on his presumably pounding head as his eyes tightly close. Maddie knows better than to take it personally or to believe that his snappiness is a direct result of his personality changing after a traumatic head injury. She bites down on her bottom lip, watching as Hen does the same, before she slips her hand into his to offer him some form of comfort. It’s rejected almost immediately and she _knows_ not to take it personally, she really, really does because she’s nothing more than a stranger to him and there is no reason he would want any form of reassurance from her but still… when he yanks his hand away from hers, it feels as though she’s been slapped in the face.

“We’re sorry, we weren’t thinking.” Bobby is the first to break the awkward silence, moving to step a little further away from the bed as though he’s somewhat afraid of the man’s reaction before he looks at the two women and then at the door, “Maybe we should leave you alone?” Maddie knows it’s not what Bobby wants for his friend, it’s not what anyone wants but if he asks, who are they to deny him?

The “whatever” answer they get, followed by a shrug of the shoulders leaves Maddie just awkwardly shifting in her seat as she moves to sit back, distracting herself by playing with the button hole on her blazer. The silence is crushing, so different from those moments of quiet she’d been through when Chimney had been in his coma for all those months – those times she could fill with reading the lines of the book or the magazine she was holding, or she could sing to herself, read a few of her emails or texts out loud just to have _something_ said within the awkwardness of it all.

It seems as though Bobby is the bravest of the three of them because whilst Maddie is staring down at her lap, Hen is either texting someone very slowly or pretending to do so before the Captain clears his throat and looks between the three of them. “Okay, how about I go get us all some food?” The brunette looks up at him, gulping down the lump in her throat as she internally curses herself for the tears so clearly swimming in her eyes until the man she had gotten to know through stories of admiration from her brother and discussions in the hospital room, smiles at her. It’s stupid but it feels comforting, even more so is the gentle, subtle squeeze of her shoulder before he looks at Chimney.

“Chinese sound good?” Again, another shrug, his hand moving to pinch the bridge of his nose before he lets out a sigh. “Right, I’ll be back in about an hour.” Somehow, his voice is still calm, even if both the women can feel the clear tension in the air between the two. They all understand that he’s in pain and it’s difficult and confusing but it’s hard to contend with when everything that falls from his lips is him snapping at them or telling them what they’re doing wrong or how much he wants to be alone.

The second he’s gone, Maddie dares herself to glance up, noticing the pained look on his face and wishing she could do something about it, reminding herself to laugh quieter and do better if she actually wants him to give her a chance to be his friend, at least. She’s all too quick to stand up, ignoring the way her hand is shaking as she moves to grab the jug of water from the side, “Here, this will help.”

“I had a piece of fucking rebar through my skull and you think a glass of water is going to help?” Her grip on the jug tightens, tears stinging her eyes as she takes a breath, biting back an apology because it’s only made things ten times worse over the last few days and she _really_ isn’t helping. Yet, she keeps coming back for more as though some sort of miracle is going to happen and he’s going to remember all those words she had spoken to him whilst he was unconscious and actually want her there.

Hen has been calm and patient, although more awkward than Maddie ever remembers her being, as though she doesn’t know what to say or rather… she does, she just doesn’t know if she should or if it’ll come out right. Whatever had been holding her back over the last few days is suddenly forgotten, “Chim, I know you’re in pain and you’re tired but you have to stop taking it out on the people who love you.”

“She doesn’t even know me.” The answer is quick and so completely fair on his side but she still feels as though he’s wrong. She does know him, even if it’s through the eyes and the words of his friends and not actually him, she knows that he’s a good man, that all he ever wants to do is help people and make people laugh. All Maddie can do is murmur an apology when she knocks the glass a little, wincing when the man turns towards her and she hates herself for showing her emotions so outwardly. That had always been a character flaw apparently, according to her parents and then her ex-husband.

Hen lets out a sigh, looking between the two before she takes Chimney’s hand in her own and holds onto it tight enough that he can’t pull it away. “She’s been here almost every single day since you came out of surgery to keep you company when I couldn’t, she’s listened to endless stories about my best friend, I’ve cried on her shoulder so many times. She’s been here, we’ve been here, so don’t push us away.” Her voice is strong, only betrayed by the tears in her eyes as Maddie looks away and pops a straw into the glass of water.

It takes every ounce of strength within her to keep the waiver from her voice when she steps forward and holds out the glass in the hopes he’ll take the straw between his lips, “I can go though, if you want me to. All you have to do is say the word, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or confused—you don’t owe me anything. I came to the hospital because I wanted to and I still want to but all you have to do is tell me to leave and I will.” She hopes he won’t but when he takes a sip of the water instead of answering her, she’s filled with regret that she had even given him the choice in the first place (as selfish as that is).

The second he’s done, she settles the glass back on the side, biting down on her lip as she waits for him to say something, _anything_. “I should go, I’m probably overwhelming you and you have your friends who you actually know and—” She finally rambles when the silence becomes too much and she never was good at dealing with it.

Thankfully, he interrupts her before she can make an already bad situation incredibly worse, if that’s at all possible, “I don’t want you to go. I don’t know why but I don’t.” And well, it’s something, at least, she supposes. Maddie gives him a small smile, slowly moving to sit back down on the chair next to his bed before she takes a deep breath and looks over at Hen, mouthing a ‘thank you’ before she looks back down at her lap in a subtle attempt to hide the tears that insist on falling despite how hard she fights them.

“If Bobby doesn’t bring back any spring rolls, we are never leaving him in charge of the food order again.” Maddie grins, biting down on her lip to suppress the giggle as she glances over at Chimney who still looks as though he’s in a world of pain before she sighs, knowing there’s nothing she can do to magically take away the pain but hoping she can ease it somewhat.

“I used to be a nurse, I don’t know if we mentioned that,” It’s with feigned confidence that she talks, moving to stand up as she takes a deep breath, willing herself to carry on, “can I try something that might help?” What she has in mind probably has nothing to do with the fact she was a nurse, it was most definitely something she would not have done in the middle of an ER for a patient experiencing a migraine but he doesn’t necessarily need to know that. He seems to be mulling over her words for just a second before he nods his head and any of the confidence she had mustered up is suddenly gone because she hadn’t actually expected him to say yes.

“You know what, I’m gonna go grab us some drinks – non-alcoholic for now – and give Karen a ring, let her know when she and Denny can pop by, maybe in a few days.” It’s as though Hen picks up on Maddie’s awkwardness, she always does, squeezing Chimney’s hand as she shoots Maddie a grin before she walks away. It’s not until the door is closed that Maddie turns back to the man lying on the bed, feeling the heat on her cheeks.

“Um, do you think you’ll be okay sitting up?” His movements are slow but he does what she asks and she tries to think of the best way to do this before she affectionately presses her hand to his cheek, “I know you have no reason to trust me and you have every right to question my intentions but… I just need you to know that I have really loved getting to know you through all those amazing people who have so many beautiful things to say about you, over the last four months.” Her thumb brushes against his skin, and then over at the pink scar on his forehead, feeling relief when he doesn’t pull away.

“If you shift down just a little, I’m going to climb up on the bed and sit behind you, is that okay?”

His eyes are curious as he does what she says and Maddie easily slips into position behind him, gently pulling him down until his back is against her chest and she tries to ignore the way it’s the first time she’s felt the heat of his body against her own, reminding her that he’s alive. When he shifts his weight a little, it’s a reminder that he’s _awake_ and that is still so unbelievable at times. “Just let me know if you feel uncomfortable at any point.” She whispers, knowing that her bond to him is so much incredibly stronger than his is to her, understandably because she’s been awake and talking for months and his eyes have only just opened.

Maddie moves her fingers to his temples, gently massaging, unable to stop the smile on her face when he lets out a small moan and leans back a little more into her. “Feels good.” His voice is a small whisper as his body completely relaxes into her touch in a way that makes her think, even if it’s just for a second, that it’ll be okay. Her fingers continue their tender movements when he leans his head into her shoulder and she finds her own body relaxing against the pillows behind her. “Thank you… for being here, for staying. Sorry if I hurt your feelings—”

“You don’t have to apologise for being in pain, Chimney or for being angry or upset… just don’t push us away because the main reason I stayed as long as I did was because I saw how much you were loved. I knew even without talking to you beyond that phone call or without ever meeting you that you’re a good, kind man. So don’t apologise for feeling the way you do, just let us help or let us know how to help you.”

“This is helping…”

His words make her heart beat a little faster as she nudges her nose into the top of his head, closing her eyes when the tears start to fall and she breathes him in. “That’s all that matters right now.” Maddie smiles as she continues to rub her fingers over his forehead and up through his scalp, just revelling in how intimate it feels… how much he’s trusting her despite barely knowing her. It’s the most hope she’s felt since he had opened his eyes just a few days before.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for brief mentions of past domestic violence - no details, just that it happened.

The sound of the glass being thrown up against the wall is enough to force Maddie to stand up a little too quickly as her heart thumps against her chest. Her eyes dart between the man who is breathing heavily, looking as though he’s just come back from a run around the block and not just hurled the glass of water she had given to him just moments before, across the room and then the water stain left behind by his latest move of destruction.

It’s not the first time he’s thrown something out of frustration but it is the first time she’s been alone with him whilst he’s done so and usually she can make her excuses and dart out of there in an attempt to calm her impending panic attack down. “You know, if you keep throwing things, the nurses will have to downgrade you to plastic cups.” She tries to joke, mostly in an attempt to calm herself down but still hopeful that it will have the same effect on him.

It doesn’t.

She shouldn’t be surprised at the flash of anger in his eyes or the way he practically snarls at her but it still forces her to take a step back as she tries to count her breaths in her head. It takes her a moment to attempt to break the silence again, questioning (and not for the first time since he had woken up) why she was even there in the first place because she felt so completely helpless and utterly hopeless. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

It’s hard not to feel defeated every single time she walks into the hospital room and is met with the man on the bed just glaring at the wall in front of him or arguing with a nurse or a doctor about when he could go home as though he hadn’t just woken up from a coma eight days ago. It’s even harder when his response is only to shuffle awkwardly onto his side and let out a huff of air. Maddie bites down on her bottom lip as she thinks, shifting from one foot to the other as she scrambles for something to or say, knowing there were probably better ways to spend her day off than in his hospital room, feeling the weight of awkward silence.

“The nurses swap shifts in five minutes,” Slowly, she moves to the other side of the bed, reaching out her hand for his, “why don’t we sneak you out of here for half an hour before they come and do their checks?” It’s the first time she’s seen a trace of a smile on his lips and his hand moves into hers so she can help him up. Maddie understands that it must be frustrating, struggling to do everything himself and from what she can understand, Chimney had always been independent. He’d had to have been after his mother’s death when he was only fifteen, so the fact that he was entirely exhausted after walking seven steps to the toilet angered him and the fact that he couldn’t get out of the bed without any help had been the main cause of the glass being thrown across the room in the first place.

Thankfully his clear excitement over the fact he’s going to see something other than the four walls of the hospital room or the inside of a CAT scan, overtakes his usual annoyance when she pulls the wheelchair to the side of the bed. Still, she makes a conscious effort not to help him too much, both her hands hovering to catch him if he stumbles whilst he makes the transition from hospital bed to the wheelchair. “Won’t you get in trouble?” He finally asks, and his apprehension is much more what she’d expect of the man his friends had described, looking at his eyes and the way he’s chewing on a piece of the gum from the pack Hen had practically thrown at him in her own exasperation the day before.

It’s with a grin that she moves behind him to take the handles of the chair, shrugging her shoulders as she does, “Isn’t that part of the fun?” It’s nice to hear him laugh and to see him smile, it’s crazy how it makes her heart beat a little faster and her cheeks to flush and she supposes it’s true, matters of the heart cannot always be explained and they most definitely cannot be logical. She’s hopeful as she pushes him out of the room, looking around for a second, although she knows if they do get caught, the nurses will probably turn a blind eye because she imagines the grumpy man in room three is a rock, paper, scissors kind of situation on who gets to be the lucky one to check on him next.

The elevator ride is quiet and Maddie senses it’s exactly what he needs, watching his grip tighten on the arms of the wheelchair as he anticipates actually feeling fresh air against his face for the first time in months. She knows how desperate he is to leave the hospital and start moving on with his life, he’d even mentioned going back to work and that desire only makes the fact he feels so weak ten times worse. The knowledge that he’s missed over four months of work and most definitely could miss at least another four more is something she can understand being beyond difficult considering how much he loved his job and how good she’d heard he was at it.

Seeing the smile on his face as he tilts his head up the second she pushes him outside is enough to make all of the stress since he had woken up, worth it. Chimney takes a deep breath and she can practically see the tension in his body leaving as she pops the brakes on when they get somewhere quiet, away from the bustle of the crowd. “The hospital I worked in Hershey was probably less than half the size of this one.” She finally comments as she settles down onto the bench next to him.

Maddie resists the urge to stand up to help him when he stubbornly moves to get up from his chair, plopping down on the bench next to her with a grunt, his breathing heavy from the effort. She’s sympathetic, she knows how much effort he would have put into his fitness prior to the accident, so something so minor shouldn’t be leaving him breathing as though he’s just finished a workout at the gym. She wants to tell him to give himself some time, to be a little kinder to himself and be patient but she knows those words won’t help. She can see the frustration increasing by the day when he doesn’t see improvements quite as quickly as he thinks it should happen. “Why did you move here?”

Maddie tries not to look surprised at the question because it’s the first time he’s actively asked her anything, their eyes meeting for a second until she quickly looks away and focuses her attention on the coffee stand a few feet away from them. It’s a struggle whenever anyone asks her that question as she tries to determine how honest she should be before she takes a breath, “I was in an abusive marriage,” She supposes she’s going for the honest option and maybe it’s made easier by the fact she’s already told him this story but he just doesn’t remember or he couldn’t hear her. “for a long while and um, when he died I needed a fresh start because it was the only way I was ever going to move on. I always wanted to live in LA and that distance… I really needed it. I um, carried on being a nurse for a while but it just didn’t feel the same, you know? I didn’t—I didn’t love it like I used to, so I thought I’d try something new. It was only ever meant to be temporary, being a dispatcher, until I found my passion for nursing again. I went into it thinking I’d be okay to be back in a hospital after a few months but—” She finally tilts her head to look at him with a smile on her face, “I love my job.”

Her cheeks turn red when she realises she’s rambled on and on beyond what he had actually asked but he’s smiling at her and it’s such a contrast to the grouchy man she had grown accustomed to since those beautiful eyes had opened for the first time. “It’s weird, I feel like I already knew all of that but I’m also hearing it for the first time? I don’t know how to explain it and that probably made no sense.”

“No-no, it does… I think. I mean, I’ve spoken to you about my marriage and my job and LA, my brother… everything. Maybe you heard some of it.” Her heart feels as though it’s about to burst from her chest when his hand moves on top of hers, fingers gently brushing over the back of her hand as she tries to focus on taking a deep breath.

“I’m sorry about everything you’ve been through.” A comfortable silence had fallen between them until he speaks and she feels the immediate loss when his hand moves from hers, only for it to be replaced by something close to elation when he slowly lifts his arm to wrap around her shoulders instead so he can weakly pull her close. Her head rests on his shoulder, closing her eyes when she moves her own hand to rest on his stomach, idly brushing her thumb along the material of his top. “I love my job, too.”

The sadness in his voice causes her to gulp down the lump forming in her throat the second the tears sting her eyes. Maddie clenches her fist around the fabric, snuggling a little more into his side, feeling as though she’s taking advantage of his current relaxed state (sue her, it’s nice to feel as though he actually wants her around). “You’ll get there, Chim, I know it seems like it’s a long way off right now but if it’s what you want and it’s what you love, you’ll get there.”

“I really want to believe that.”

She wonders if she’s imagining the lips against her head, the entire moment feeling so… natural and domestic, and her hand moves from his stomach to rest on his chest, feeling the thumping against her palm. “Maybe I can believe it enough for the both of us and you can focus on physical therapy.”

Chimney is a walking and talking miracle, even if he doesn’t feel that way or see it. The fact that his memory is intact apart from the night of the car accident (she wonders if that’s more the trauma protecting him from that memory for now, rather than any actual brain damage) and the fact that he can talk and eat on his own and all of the things they had been told he could struggle with. He was lucky and she wishes he could see that but she knows it’s hard to see beyond the walls of his hospital room. “

“… maybe you can, that would be nice. I am sorry for being such an asshole and I’m sorry if I scared you when I—”

The shake of her head cuts him off, although she can’t deny that the actual sound of the glass smashing against the wall had scared her but not him. “I can’t imagine how you’re feeling but… maybe use your words next time. I want to help and so do your friends but we don’t know how but it’s okay to be angry. No one is going to deny you that, you lost four months of your life.”

“So did you… sitting by my bedside, I’m probably a disappointment.” There’s a bitter laugh and she doesn’t _want_ to pull away but she does, her hand lifting to his cheeks to gently brush away the tears that have made their way down his cheeks.

“I don’t feel as though any of those months were a waste, I’ve made some amazing friends and I finally got to meet you. You’re not a disappointment, not even slightly.” She’s quick to dive her head back down onto his shoulder, not wanting to break this moment between them when her hand falls back onto his chest. The soft breeze against her cheeks and the feel of his chin resting on top of her head, alongside the distinct smell of coffee in the air, makes everything the closest to perfect she feels it has been in a long time.

Maybe her brother was right, maybe she’s a _little_ crazy. 


	8. Chapter 8

Chimney had had migraines before the accident but these were like nothing he’d ever experienced before. The lights of the hospital room were too much for his eyes to bear and the toast he’d managed a few hours before churns in his stomach. It’s only made more difficult by the fact Hen is talking to him about her day at work and he’s torn between barely being able to concentrate on what she’s saying and snapping in an attempt to make her leave.

He wants to be alone but at the same time, he _really_ doesn’t want to be alone and it makes absolutely no sense but really, nothing does. Not to him anyway. When he’d closed his eyes over four months ago, he hadn’t expected to wake up. He can remember the accident, he remembers every single agonising second of it from the moment he’d swerved, to the sound of metal meeting metal and then the kind woman on the other end of the phone who had no idea of the severity of his injuries at the time and neither did he. Not until he can remember the fear that briefly flashed over Bobby’s face until he covered it up. Buck and Hen didn’t have quite the poker face though.

That terror in Hen’s eyes and the relief he’d seen when he had woken up is the only reason he doesn’t scream at her to leave, opting instead to clutch at his bed sheets a little tighter. “Chim, are you feeling okay?”

He wishes she didn’t sound so concerned, it’d be easier to tell her to leave if it weren’t for the crack in her voice and the hand over his and he knows that she’s his best friend, the closest thing to a sister he’s ever had in his life and he just wishes he knew how to be the person he was before he stopped being just… Howard Han and became this person who defied all the odds and survived an accident no one thought possible.

Asking for help should be a lot easier than it feels right then but he knows that people have been doing nothing but helping him for months when he couldn’t do anything for himself and he wishes he could cling to what he feels is that tiny bit of independence he has left. Kind, caring fingers run through his hair and despite himself, he finds himself leaning into the touch as he squeezes his eyes tightly shut. “Maddie is popping by after work, do you want me to text her and let her know you’re not up for visitors right now?”

That’s enough to get him to open at least one eye, biting down on his lip as he looks at Hen, forever impressed by how well she knows him even when he doesn’t think he knows himself anymore. There’s a little smirk on her face and a glint in her eyes as though she knows that her words have somehow picked up the pace of his heart. It’s definitely not because she’s pretty and a rare ray of sunshine in the darkness of the hospital room. No, it’s because her fingers work like magic when she’s rubbing his temples and her voice is soothing.

He doesn’t know Maddie, aside from being the voice when he had dialled 9-1-1 that fateful day. But she feels more like a memory than she does a stranger. When she talks, he feels as though he’s heard that voice a thousand times before. When she tells him something about herself, he feels as though he already knew that about her. When her hand is in his or her fingers run through his hair, or gently graze along his cheek, it feels as though she’s touched him so many times before and he easily leans into every movement.

“It’s okay, you know, to feel something for her even if you don’t know what that is or why… you have a future, Chim.” The words are left unsaid but they both know what she means – he has a second chance and surely he needs to be able to make the most of that. Only, it angers him even more when he realises he has a second chance at a new life, a better life and he’s stuck in a hospital room and has been for nearly a month since he opened his eyes. 

“I’m scared.” It feels strange to admit that out loud, as though he wasn’t scared of absolutely everything these days. Scared of not getting the life he had before back, scared of not getting a _better_ life instead. Absolutely terrified that he was falling for a woman who would only ever see him as weak and needing help. He couldn’t even make it to the damn bathroom without feeling out of breath, he could barely eat without the painful ache of unused muscles leaving him exhausted. Maybe she just wanted to fix him, maybe he could never be fixed.

Hen just nods her head as she gives him a small, tight smile, “That’s okay, being scared is okay. I just want you to be happy, you deserve to be happy more than anyone else.” The tears in her eyes make him gulp, his head still throbbing but managing to shoot her a small smile back. “Besides, she has the Hen _and_ Karen seal of approval and most importantly, Denny is a little bit in love with her. Sometimes the best things don’t always have the easiest path, look at me and Karen… it’s not always _easy.”_

It doesn’t go missed by his best friend when his smile grows and his cheeks flush the second the door slides open and a familiar voice can be heard. He can see the smirk growing on her face and the way her hand wraps around his upper arm before she steps away to wrap her arms tightly around Maddie. That was something else he always wanted – to be able to find someone who shared a connection with the other woman in his life who meant the world to him. He and Hen had been through so much together, she was the person he ran to. Of all the girlfriends he’d had in the decade he’d been friends with Hen, not a single one of them had her seal of approval.

“I am off to get Mexican food, the usual?” Both Maddie and Chimney nod their heads as Maddie sets her jacket and bag onto the nearest chair, her smile as bright as the sun as it always is and looking as gorgeous as ever. Long curled hair settles over her shoulders, her cheeks flush when they make eye contact, still dressed in her dispatcher uniform, heels clicking along the ground when she walks a little closer to his bed as Hen bids goodbye to them both.

Her hand moves almost immediately to his forehead and if it didn’t hurt so much to keep his eyes open, he’s sure he could get lost in her beautiful, brown eyes forever. “Migraine?” She whispers and there’s his heart racing again because how can this amazing woman pick up on his mood so quickly when he’d dated women for months at a time and they still hadn’t a clue who he really was. “Do you want a temple rub?”

Chimney would nod his head if he doesn’t think it will make him throw up, moving his hand to tug on her shirt instead in the hopes she’ll get the hint. She does. She always does. And he wonders if this is it what it means to find a soulmate; his mom had described it to him once, told him that whilst she had never found her romantic one, as her son, that was what he was to her. Two souls perfectly fitted together like two pieces of the same puzzle. It’s stupid, corny, so he keeps it buried inside as they go about their usual routine of him shifting down the bed a little as she scrambles up behind him and her fingers move immediately to his head.

Only this time, her lips press to the back of his head and she trails her kisses to his forehead when he tilts his head up to look at her. She’s crazy beautiful, far too beautiful for him but he finds himself leaning back into her body anyway, smiling as she gently massages each side of his head. “You should tell me about your day.” He finally breaks the silence between them, apart from the occasional moan that unwittingly falls from his lips and his back is pressed tightly against her chest as he snuggles just a little further back into her warmth.

“Oh, no, I don’t want to hurt your head anymore—”

He can feel the way her head shakes, slowly lifting his hand to rest on her knee as her legs remain sprawled out on either side of his body, biting down on his lip when she doesn’t flinch away at the intimate action, his thumb brushing along the fabric of her pants instead. “I like listening to you.”

Chimney isn’t looking at her but he can imagine her cheeks flushing, her hands slightly trembling as her movements pause. “I won dispatcher of the month,” She starts and he really doesn’t have to be looking at her to know how proud she is of that fact, he can hear it in her voice and feel it in the sudden confidence of her movements against his temple, “Josh brought me a cupcake in, that was sweet. He likes to take full credit because he trained me, so he ate half the cupcake because that was only fair…” He loves hearing her talk, listening to the excitement in her voice as she talks about her best friend as he finds himself hoping that one day he’ll meet him.

“Today was a good day… but this is even better.” Maddie’s words cause his breath to halter and he nods his head a little, the migraine easing in its tension as both the painkillers and her massage starts to kick in.

“Hey, Maddie? Do you mind lying next to me for a bit?” Her hands drop to his shoulders, gently squeezing them before there’s an awkward shift of both their bodies and he watches her lean over the edge of the bed to kick off her shoes until her body is next to his and her head is resting on his shoulder. He hopes she doesn’t see him as weak as he sees himself as her hand moves to rest on his stomach and he wraps his arm around her shoulders to pull her even closer. Maddie wraps a leg around his and she fits so perfectly into his body that he can’t help but want more. She always leaves him wanting more.

Fingers clasp around the fabric of his top and he finds himself tilting his chin down to look at her, “I’m getting released next week. Hen wanted me to move in with her because of the stairs to my apartment building but I thought it would be nice to get some sort of normality back, you know?”

Partly, he expects the same lecture Hen and Karen had given him, the two of them citing the fact that now wasn’t the time to be stubborn, that the stairs would be difficult to navigate himself up and down. Instead, she tilts her head up to look at him with a smile, “I think normality is exactly what you need, as long as you ask for help when you need it. There’s a difference between independence and stubbornness.”

She’s right, he knows she is and so does she as their eyes meet and her smile grows, flashing those pearly whites at him in a way that causes him to let out a chuckle. But also in a way that makes him want to lean forward and capture that smile with his own, his heart thumping harder, his breath catching in his throat as he looks from her eyes towards her lips, tongue darting out across his bottom lip unwittingly. “Can I kiss you?”

Chimney has no idea where those words come from, seeking permission from both her and himself, as though saying those words aloud will solidify the idea in his own mind that kissing her is actually what he wants. When she lets out a breathy sound of agreement, hand moving from his stomach to rest on his chest instead, he knows it’s exactly what he wants because he wastes not a single second in pressing his lips against hers, hand pressing gently to her cheek as he does.

The world somehow makes a little more sense for a moment, lost entirely in the movement of her lips against his, the soft moan that escapes her lips as though she’s been waiting for this for so long. And he supposes she has, a lot longer than he had been consciously aware of but still, it feels like everything he could have hoped for and so much more.

Kissing Maddie is the closest thing to normal he’s felt in a long time and he’s not sure he ever wants to stop.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Potential trigger warning for mentions of a panic attack/anxiety.

When he walks through the door of his apartment for the first time in months, he wants to burst into tears. It seems silly, it’s just an apartment but it was the first place he could truly call his own and he’d lived there for a long time. The four walls held a lot of memories and stepping through the door for the first time in so long makes him feel more grateful than ever that he was lucky enough to retain his memories prior to the accident.

He was a miracle, that was what people kept telling him but he certainly hadn’t felt that way until he’s standing in his kitchen, knowing how if things had gone differently, he’d have felt like a stranger in his own home. Somehow, he still feels that way as he runs his hands over the kitchen counter before he takes a breath and looks at the two women behind him. “We kept it clean, I stocked the fridge and the cupboards for you and Bobby cooked plenty so you won’t have to go grocery shopping for at least a week.” Hen smiles as she looks at him, setting his bag down on the floor whilst Maddie looks around a little awkwardly.

It’s strange, he thinks, neither of them have seen each other outside of the hospital walls and whilst she doesn’t _look_ different, it still feels different. “Do you want to rest on the couch or we can get you all set up in the bedroom?”

“I think I’ve been in a bed long enough, don’t you?” Plus, sue him for wanting to sit back and watch something on a television that was at least ten times bigger than the tiny one in the corner of his hospital room. This feels like his one chance to take back his life, to take a step towards normalcy in the midst of everything. Being in a hospital room was not normal, having nurses and doctors checking on him wasn’t normal and it wasn’t _his_ life.

He’s slow to move towards his couch, sinking down with a frown because he’d expected it to feel like home straight away but he’s there, hating himself for missing the comfort of his hospital room. It’s going to be the first time he’s been alone in months and it’s not even as though he enjoyed the nurses checking in on him to make sure he’d eaten or that he’d made it to the toilet that day without issue. But it was _comfortable_ and it was safe and it was… it was all he had known since he had opened his eyes. And he’s not going to miss it but he is going to miss the feeling of knowing that if he needed help, he could get it.

A wave of fear paralyses him as he stares at the television screen in front of him and clutches at the cushion he’s pulled onto his lap. He’s stuck because he knows he’s perfectly capable of making it to the bathroom on his own when it’s the middle of the night but then what if he has a horrific migraine at the time? What if he forgets to take his medication? What if—

“Howie?” Maddie bites down on her lip when she moves to kneel down in front of him, placing her hands over his as she eases the grip he has on the cushion. “You’re having a panic attack, it’s okay but I want you to breathe with me. In for three, out for three—” She emphasises her own breathing after she talks and Chimney hadn’t even realised that his chest felt tight or that his breathing had quickened whilst he spiralled. It’s easy to get lost in her eyes, as her thumbs brush against the back of his hand. Embarrassment is a thing of the past, he’s lost count of the amount of times he’d panicked in front of the woman who should feel like a stranger but feels more and more like home every single day.

“It’s okay to be overwhelmed right now but you aren’t alone and even when you _are_ alone, you know we’re all a call away. Hen is only a twenty-five-minute drive away and I’m twelve minutes away, traffic permitting.” She smiles and he knows, of course he knows, that if he were to call either of the women in his apartment right then, they would be there. But it’s a bitter pill to swallow, he’d prided himself on his independence since the day his mother had died and he’d told himself that he was alone in the world. This entire thing feels like he’s taken about a hundred steps back and every single time he steps forward, there’s something holding him back.

Maybe it’s the fact it doesn’t look as though he’s going to get back to his ‘normal’ life anytime soon. Maybe it’s because people keep reminding him that he’s a miracle and they’d never expected him to survive, let alone without the mental incapacities they’d expected but all he feels is as though he’s failed. He’s just not sure what he’s failed at.

Still, looking into the kind, brown eyes of the woman kneeling in front of him right then, offers him some level of comfort he feels somewhat undeserving of. He knows that she had heard stories about him from Hen and Bobby, even the Lees who had took him into their home after his mother had died but it’s hard to feel as though he’s ever going to live up to anything anyone had said about him. He’s not a firefighter anymore, and he doesn’t know if he ever will be again because it’s going to take months of physical therapy to get back half the muscle mass he’d had before the coma and if he’s not working for the LAFD, then who is he? It’s all he’s ever known, it’s all he’s ever been for past fifteen years.

Of everything Maddie had been told about him, he can’t help but wonder if that was who he was and who he will never be again. What if she doesn’t like the new him? And sure, he and Hen have been friends for over a decade but people had come and gone from the 118 and once they were gone… time and life kind of got in the way. Hen had a wife and a kid and a life of her own, she had the job he longed to get back to and he could already feel the wall building between them every single time she opened her mouth to tell him about a call and he quickly shut her down. It hurt too much.

The couch sinks down next to him and he’s looking up at his best friend a few seconds later as she smiles at him, though he can see the worry in her eyes. She had begged him to stay with her and Karen for at least the first week but this was important to him. Trying to get back to normal after so long of feeling abnormal. Hen takes one of his hands in her own, squeezing lightly whilst Maddie takes his other, bringing it to her lips to press a kiss to each of his fingers in a way that makes him smile as he glances back at her. She’s beautiful with the kind of personality that matches that outer beauty in every single way possible. She’s kind and gentle and patient and she’s known pain, horrific pain that no one should ever have to experience but she’s strong. And maybe it’s not fair but sometimes, he finds himself leaning on her a bit too much, in the hopes that he can feel just an inch of that resilience.

“Little steps, remember? You promised us and yourself that you wouldn’t push yourself too far too soon. So, you’re going to break it all into pieces and you’ll give yourself time to figure things out. Most importantly, you’re going to ask for help when you need it.” Hen is the next to speak, causing him to gulp down the lump in his throat when he feels the tears burning his eyes, watching as Maddie moves to sink down into the seat next to him, so he’s sandwiched between the two women.

Little steps.

The first step is actually being discharged from the hospital and walking into his apartment for the first time in too long. It’s enough, and it should be enough for him but he longs for more. “One step at a time.” He mumbles, mostly to remind himself as he tries to shake himself from those thoughts that causes his heart to ache every single time. He wants to be the Chimney that everyone knows but it’s going to take time, that’s all everyone keeps telling him. Time and patience. Both of which feel like he doesn’t have enough of, no matter how hard he tries. “Maybe this step can be watching Mission: Impossible?”

Hen is the first to groan, whilst Maddie giggles and throws her head onto his shoulder, her hand moving to rest over his chest as she does. “Fallout?”

“No, the first one. Then the second one and then the third and maybe by tomorrow afternoon we’ll be on Fallout.”

“Pushing your luck.” His best friend mutters with a roll of her eyes, although she’s moving from the couch towards his DVD collection, as he laughs, sliding an arm around Maddie’s shoulders as he pulls her closer. 

There’s silence for a few moments whilst Hen works on getting everything setup for them, before he takes a breath, “Maybe you can both stay, just for tonight. If you want.” Whilst Hen pretends to be unphased (he can tell she’s grinning although she’s not looking at him), Maddie snuggles just that little bit more into him as she nods her head.

“We want.” She whispers, her fingers curling around his top as she does, “Even if you are going to make us watch awful movies.”

Chimney lets out a scoff at her words, shaking his head, “There’s only two of us in this room with awful tastes in movies and I’m not one of them.” His eyes move to watch Hen for a moment, as his fingers brush through Maddie’s hair, smiling at his best friend as she walks back to them. He and Maddie are… what should be labelled as complicated but somehow doesn’t feel that way at all. They’re just… Maddie and Chimney, somewhere between friends an in a relationship that should feel tense and uncomfortable at times but feels… right. As though it’s exactly what he needs right now whilst she gets to know him and he gets to know himself and her. Even if he feels as though he already does for reasons that don’t make sense to him because he’s entirely certain he couldn’t have heard everything that had happened over the months he was in a coma but he _feels_ it. Sometimes, when she talks or when she touches him, it’s like a muscle memory. He knows her and he knows that touch as though he’s learnt it along the way but can’t quite remember how.

Hen smirks, just as she always does when she’s watching the two of them before she settles down in the seat on his other side and presses play on the remote. “Just wake me up when Thandie Newton is around.” He rolls his eyes in response but nods his head anyway when her head drops to his shoulder and he moves his hand to squeeze hers gently, a silent thank you for being there, for believing in him, even when he doesn’t believe in himself.

Comfortable silence ensues whilst his eyes are glued to the television, before Hen lets out a yawn, followed by a soft laugh, “Maddie’s asleep already, isn’t she?”

He doesn’t have to look at the other woman to know, feeling the steady rise and fall of her chest against his hand that rests on her back, letting out a laugh of his own, “Affirmative.” He can’t stop himself from leaning down to press a kiss to the top of her head, in a way that causes Hen to nudge her elbow into his side gently.

“You’re falling in love, Howard Han.”

“Shut up and watch the movie.”


	10. Chapter 10

Really, he doesn’t know why she keeps coming back for more. He had thought coming home would somehow magically make everything better but the dark cloud that seems to hang over his head seems to grow more and more with each passing day. Being home is a stark reminder of the life he had once had and it just seems near impossible to ever get back there. Everything he had worked so hard for is gone… he’s on long-term disability with just seventy-five percent of his salary and everything is a struggle.

Physically, he’s nowhere near where he was a year ago. Mentally, he’s probably hit rock bottom and it feels as though here is so much further to go. Financially, he’s been staring at his bills for hours trying to figure out which ones he can cut or if maybe he can escape the necessity of grocery shopping for a while. Everything is setting off a headache, although none more so than the chipper voice of Maddie as she walks through the door, the grin on her face all too quick to drop when she realises he’s still sitting there in the t-shirt and boxers he had been wearing the night before when she had left. “You’re not ready?”

It takes everything within him not to snap because of course he’s not _fucking_ ready for a stupid party he doesn’t even want to go to in the first place. He’s been home a few weeks and has successfully managed to avoid being around too many people at the same time and the thought of being at a party, surrounded by so many people laughing and talking to him, having a good time… it causes a burning tension in his chest and he knows exactly what’s coming as he clenches the pieces of paper in his hands a little tighter.

“I’ve changed my mind.” He shrugs, hoping that would be enough but sensing that it’s far from it. Maddie is… patient and she’s kind and she seems genuinely understanding most of the time but this whole idea of him getting out of his apartment and being surrounded by the people who love him so much had been pushed upon him by both her and Hen and he didn’t want it. He’d only said yes a few days ago to shut them both up, an answer he’d immediately regretted.

“You’ll feel differently when you’re actually there.”

“I said no!” He doesn’t look at her as he shouts, throwing the papers on the floor in front of him, wishing he could stand up without swaying or stumbling so he could make a point and run to his bedroom, slamming the door behind him. Instead, he’s forced to glare down at the stupid discarded papers in front of him as his fists clench around his knees instead, wanting to scream and throw things and _not_ burst into tears as he feels like doing right then. “Fuck.”

He half-expects her to leave because why wouldn’t she? He knows damn well that she deserves a lot better than being shouted at when all she has ever done is try to help him but she sticks around for a reason unbeknown to him. Maddie deserves better, she probably could have better if she stopped insisting on being around him. Eddie is single, he’s sure that someone she works with is single, there’s probably a hundred other options and yet she’s there with him.

It takes him a few moments to dare himself to look up, seeing her standing there awkwardly but looking more beautiful than he ever could have imagined. Her long hair curled over her shoulders, a long-sleeved, ankle length green patterned dress that just makes his heart skip a few beats because of course, she was probably looking forward to doing something light and fun. Her entire world over the last few months had been him and work and trying to find joy in little moments, so of course, going to a party would have been her idea of fun and just because he isn’t there, doesn’t mean the 118 can’t celebrate, right?

Chimney takes a breath, “You should go. Have a drink on me, not like I can have any alcohol anyway.” Another bitter statement because the medication he’s on takes away yet another part of his life he had once enjoyed and really, he’s not sure he should be surprised anymore by the length of recovery and the resentment that builds inside of him increasingly every single day. He knows it’s stupid and borderline impossible but he just wants everything to be as it was. He wants to be able to stand up for longer than thirty minutes without feeling as though he’s just run a 10k race, he wants to get through the day without the need for two or three naps because just one hour of physical therapy seems to leave him feeling as though he’s just come off a twenty-four-hour shift. He wants to go back to work, he wants to have a drink with his friends and laugh about their day.

Now, it just hurts when Hen talks to him about work, it hurts when he listens to Eddie talking about working with Buck who he knows he should like because the kid has done nothing to him, he’s never worked with him and he’s Maddie’s brother so… he should be _nice_ but he feels replaced. He feels as though there’s a whole new member of the family that he should welcome but sometimes, he wants to strangle the over-excited firefighter who has well and truly settled into life at the 118.

“I’m not going to _your_ party without you.” Chimney can’t tell if she’s scared of him or just wary in her approach because all she does it take a small step towards him, eyeing up her path to the door before she takes a breath as though she’s convincing herself to stay. He needs her to leave because he can feel the anger and the self-hatred just pulsating through his body with each breath and every single word that falls from her lips and his own.

“Maddie—”

“I know it feels like the most difficult thing in the world right now but I know that you’ll have a good time when you’re actually there. Everyone who loves you wants to celebrate with you—”

“And I told you and I told Hen and I told Bobby but no one is listening to me! I don’t want to, I’m not ready, I don’t want to even leave the apartment but I have to, every single damn day to try and get my pathetic body to work again! The last thing I want to do is go make fake conversation with a bunch of people who look at me the way you’re looking at me right now!” He makes a gesture to the pitiful look on her face and the way her eyes are watering with tears she’s trying to stop from falling.

“… do you want me to leave or do you want to not go to the party?” There’s a moment of silence until she talks again and he wishes the answer was simple. He knows she will go if he promises her that he means it, but he also knows he’ll regret it the second she walks out of the door because the silence of his apartment is always crushing and he hates to admit it, even to himself, but her fingers running through his hair and the sound of her laughing at something he’s said or something on the television is always enough to bring him just a little bit of comfort in an otherwise painful life.

He doesn’t say anything, just shrugs his shoulders before he angrily wipes at the tears that have made their way down his cheeks despite his best efforts. Another thing he can add to the ‘reasons why he feels pathetic’ list that he’s starting to build up and he wishes he could see whatever the hell Maddie sees in him because whatever it is, it’s enough to make her stick around. He hears her take a breath and he finds himself frowning at her, knowing it’s not her fault. She’s probably right, he probably _would_ feel better when he got there but he’s not ready. He wishes he was but the thought of it is enough to make his heartbeat even faster and his breathing to quicken. His therapist had given him coping mechanisms for the anxiety attacks that seem to happen more often than not but his mind blanks when he’s staring at her, trying to tell himself to stop being weak even though she knows she doesn’t see him that way.

“Okay,” Maddie shrugs, “we won’t go. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do and I’m sorry for not listening to you before—we just… we thought it would be good for you. But it’s okay, you’re not ready. The best thing about you waking up from that coma is that you have all the time in the world left to get ready, okay?” How did someone as perfect as her ever make their way into his life? He’s never felt so seen or accepted by someone who wasn’t family (biological or circumstantial) since the day he had met Hen. “But we’re not just lounging around here all day, this place is a mess.”

Chimney can’t help the way his nose scrunches up in response before he slowly nods her head, forever relieved that she doesn’t treat him like the invalid he feels he is. “I’ll start with these papers, I guess.” He grumbles, slowly picking up the pieces of paper on the floor before Maddie is kneeling in front of him with a soft smile on her face.

“I’ll get these, you go grab me something a little less… dressy to wear.” God, he wants to kiss her, he wants to press his lips to hers and never come up for air again but instead, he smiles and nods his head, slowly standing up before he makes his way to the bedroom, each step getting easier with every hour he did of physical therapy but for a _normal_ person maybe that would be enough. For him? The person who had put himself through hours of gruelling training to get into the LAFD in the first place and spent at least an hour in the gym every single day to make sure he could do everything required of him? It’s not enough, it’ll never be enough.

“Maddie?” He turns around to face her just as she stands up, seeing the frown on her face when she’s staring down at the bills in her hand, although her eyes light up when they meet with hers and he could stare into them all day if he could. “Thank you.”

He smiles and she nods, “That’s not getting you out of cleaning this place up.” Chimney knows she’s only teasing but he’s relieved anyway, something as simple as wiping down a few counters in the kitchen shouldn’t _feel_ exciting but it’s normal and maybe it’ll help alleviate the guilt he can feel weighing on his shoulders right then. “Chim? Things are never as bad as we think they are, there’s always help out there… even if it doesn’t feel like it.”

Chimney takes a breath, nodding his head, gulping down the lump in his throat before he turns to move towards the bedroom. He knows she’s right, he just wishes it was easy to ask for help when he just feels as though he’s taking and taking from other people and never giving anything back. Knowing that he may never be able to give back again if he can’t at least get to a place when he can apply for re-certification and get back to the 118 where he belongs.

He just wishes he could be needed again, although the look in Maddie’s eyes when he walks back out there with an old LAFD t-shirt and some sweatpants that will probably be far too big on her, is probably the closest to it he’s come in a long time. She smiles at him like there is no one else in the world and whatever he did to deserve it, it helps, just a little. “Maybe we can try again next week?” He finds himself saying, too lost in her smile to find any other words and knowing that he does truly miss the people he called family.

“There’s always next week.” Maddie shoots back at him, holding out her hand for the clothes before she breezes past him with a soft kiss against his cheek that causes his smile to widen and his cheeks to flush. Yeah, he can try again next week, there’s _always_ next week even if life seems far too fragile to truly believe that.


	11. Chapter 11

Maddie smiles as she holds out a cup of coffee for the man standing in front of her, giggling at the sheer relief on his face before he takes a sip, “Hmmm, a hint of cinnamon, I can taste the coconut in there and ooh,” He winks at her, “even a subtle taste of vanilla. You did well, Madeline Buckley.” 

She laughs at the way he smacks his lips together before she shakes her head, “Trust me, I felt like I was encouraging your lack of taste in coffee ordering that but I don’t think I could deal with the little huffing and puffing you did last time.” Chimney grins at her and it’s always the best feeling in the world to actually see some form of joy on his face after months of watching him, not knowing if he would ever wake up or what kind of person he would be if he did. She knows it’s not an easy path, especially not on physical therapy day but it’s an uphill battle that he conquers every single day and she doesn’t think she has ever felt quite as proud of someone as she does him. 

“Uh huh, and what did you get? Black, no sugar?” He nudges her gently and she laughs, walking slowly down the hospital corridor with him, knowing just how exhausted he is but how stubbornly he refuses to admit it out loud. 

“Okay, if you’re going to make fun of the superior coffee choice, I guess I’ll eat the cake I got you. It’s a good one too.” She holds the packet away from him when he moves to grab it, laughing, realising and not for the first time, that he makes her laugh and smile more than anyone else she’s ever met. “Red velvet marble cake, fresh batch, too but maybe we should buy you a fruit salad on the way home or…” 

He takes the bag from her before she can continue, winking as he opens the bag, “Maybe you should be in PT next time, I was in a coma for four months and my reflexes are better than yours.” 

“Oh, ha-ha. I let you have it.” They smile at each other again, the world around them barely existing before she subtly wraps an arm around his waist. To anyone watching them it would seem intimate and to Maddie, it definitely feels that way, but it serves a practical purpose in giving him some support. It’s been a few months since he had woken up and he was getting stronger every single day but the few hours worth of PT he had done that morning really did take it out of him. She could see the dark circles beneath his eyes and the way he stumbled a little before she held onto him. 

Physically, he’s getting there though and she has no doubt he will be back with the LAFD within the next year. And she knows that it’s important to him which in turn will help with the emotional trauma of everything he has been through. Right now, he feels helpless and the stress of it all would be too much for any person. Maddie can remember when she had first moved to LA and had to start her life all over again and how terrified she was. It had taken months for her to get used to her new career choice, to find new friends, to find a home and to settle down. She doesn’t think she would recognise the person she used to be in Hershey and she’s not sure she ever wants to but it’s different for Chimney because he doesn’t want to be a new person and he doesn’t want a fresh start or a new life. He wants his old life back, he wants to work for the LAFD and he wants to be Hen’s partner in work again and he just wants to be the person he was a year ago or barely six months ago. And judging by the stories she had heard and how much his friends adored him, she couldn’t blame him. 

He falls asleep in the car, which isn’t surprising, the cake half eaten and the coffee forgotten whilst he leans his head up against the window and she can’t help but smile at the sight. Maddie has no doubt in the world that he’s going to be okay. Hen tells her that much every single day and whilst he’s not quite in the mental place he needs to be to be around everyone who loves him so much, she’s seen him start to open up that part of himself a little more every day. There definitely won’t be any station meals or big parties coming up in the next few weeks but one day. She had been so focused on him waking up and his brain and his feelings that she hadn’t really realised how important the physical aspect was to him. 

It was important to him to not be seen as weak or vulnerable or… incapable of being the person he had been before the accident. Maddie kind of understands it, he’s a Paramedic-Firefighter and the physical and mental strength that takes is vital enough to him that when he’s back there, she knows it’ll be a major turning point for him. 

It’s a shame that she has to wake him up when she pulls into the space outside of his apartment building, pouting to herself when she takes the cake from his lap the moment the engine is cut off. “Howie?” Her touch is gentle as she runs her fingers up and down his arm before she squeezes his hand, “We’re home.” Slowly, her fingers move up to run through his hair, listening when he groans and his eyes start to open slowly. It’s only a fifteen minute drive and if she could, she’d have carried him up the stairs if it meant not having to wake him up but his bed will be much more comfortable and he needs to rest. 

The minute he moves his head from the glass, she climbs out of the car, moving quickly to open his door as she holds out her hand. “Whilst we were at the hospital, Bobby and Hen popped over. He cooked a few of your favourites and Hen did a grocery shop for you.” She sees the way his nose scrunches up, knowing how embarrassed he was to admit that financially, on top of everything else, he was struggling. Seventy-five percent of a basic salary simply wasn’t enough and she had witnessed first hand the internal struggle he was having, knowing he would never admit it out loud. But he wasn’t alone and he would never be alone and as Hen and Bobby and everyone else who knew him told her, that if it was someone else on the team, he’d be the first one at the door with grocery shopping or collecting money at work. He was stubborn but most of all he was embarrassed, so she’d tried to bring it up as casually as she could. 

“They didn’t have to do that.” Her arm wraps around his waist whilst he wraps his around her shoulders, the two of them taking it slowly as she nods her head, knowing that no one had to do anything but he was loved. More so than he probably ever realised before and a little bit of kindness goes a long way. “None of you have to do anything…” He gestures to the way she’s helping him up the stairs and she hates how she can see tears pooling in his eyes, such a stark difference from the way he had been smiling at the hospital.

Her grip tightens on him as she nods her head, “We want to and it’s no more than you would do for anyone else if the situation was different.” She’s confident in her words, only letting go of him to unlock the door to his apartment, watching as he walks inside and looks apprehensively at his kitchen. “Do you want to be alone right now?” 

Years of not having her own voice heard, she knows how important it is for him to acknowledge how he feels out loud, even if it’s hard. Months of getting to know Chimney through his friends and then through himself had taught her that if she didn’t ask what he wanted, then usually he’d wait until it all became too much to admit it out loud. She waits, biting down on her lip before he shakes his head, “Not really.”

That’s enough to get her to relax, setting her bag on the side before she kicks her shoes off and moves towards him. They’re just friends, it’s hard to remind herself of that sometimes when he’s looking at her the way he is right then and his lips move to her cheek when she moves next to him. “How about we have a nap and then we see what Bobby has cooked up?” Her hand moves to his, pulling him towards his bedroom, knowing she could get a bit of tidying up done whilst he slept and she can tell he’s tired by the way he’s struggling to keep his eyes open when he nods his head, following her. 

“You know, if you have other stuff to be doing, you don’t have to stay…” 

It’s not hard to miss the sadness in his voice, chewing down on her lip when he climbs into the bed, his hand still in hers, “There is nowhere else in the world I would rather be.” Most of the time she feels crazy for falling for him because whilst he was in a coma, it felt more like she had fallen for the idea of him and she had fallen in love with his friends and the people he considered family. And then he had woken up and she realised how truthful everyone was being and… well, she guesses it’s harder to stay away now. Even more so when his smile makes it feel as though she has butterflies in her stomach and sometimes she laughs like she’s a teenager all over again, crushing on someone. At her reply, his hand tugs on hers and it doesn’t take a genius to get the hint as he shifts in the bed a little and she moves to lie next to him. 

Maddie’s head rests on his shoulder as his arm wraps around her and her hand moves to his stomach, slipping up his top, her hand rubbing gentle circles on his bare skin as they fall into a comfortable silence. Once he’s asleep, she promises herself she will get up and do a few things around his apartment to try and make his life a little easier, her eyes falling to a close when his fingers move through his hair. 

.

It’s with a groan that she opens her eyes, realising that the sunlight that had been shining through his bedroom window when she had closed her eyes, had now turned into a moonlit sky, meaning they had been asleep for hours. Her hand is still resting on his stomach, although her legs had intertwined with his whilst she was asleep and she’s a lot closer than she can remember being. It’s not the first time she’s fallen asleep next to him but it is the first time it’s felt so… close and so intimate and she almost doesn’t want it to end as she pulls back a little. 

Her cheeks flush when she realises his eyes are open when she sits up enough to look at him, “Sorry, I guess I didn’t sleep much last night.” She hadn’t because she had finished work late and wanted to make sure she picked Chimney up on time for his hospital appointment. “Quite a nap, huh?” She laughs when she peeks over at the alarm clock he has on the side, realising they’d been asleep for six hours which meant the entire day had gotten away from them. 

“I guess we needed it.” He whispers, and she’s slow to sit up, rubbing her eyes as she does, immediately missing the warmth of his body. “Might have destroyed your sleep schedule though.” 

Maddie lets out a laugh, nodding her head, “Sleep schedule? I’m a shift worker, what sleep schedule would that be?” It’s with a sigh that she moves to run her fingers through his hair, moving her thumb down to rest the pink scar in the middle of his forehead, reminding herself how far he had come. She can still remember the bandage and the swelling of his eyes in those first few days since brain surgery, and then eventually when the bandage had been removed, watching the wound heal enough for the scar to form until all that was left was a circular scar on his forehead that reminded her that this person she was so privileged to be around had survived an impossible event. 

“Are you hungry?” She finally whispers, leaning down enough to press her lips against the scar, nudging her nose against his before she pulls back, only to be stopped by his hand moving towards her cheek, their eyes meeting. She’s confused, but it only lasts a second until his lips are against hers and she can’t help but smile. They’ve kissed before but it feels like a long lost memory whilst he had sat in his hospital bed. They’d gotten closer since then, she had learned more about him and vice versa but still, her lips hadn’t so much as brushed against his since the day in the hospital. He’s smiling which is enough to bring a smile to her own lips as her hand presses against his cheek, taking every ounce of bravery she feels within her to deepen the kiss, spurred on by the moan that falls from Chimney’s mouth a second later. 

By the time she pulls back, her face is flushed, her chest tight and her breathing heavy before she leans back down to kiss his scar. “I don’t know if I’ll ever feel good enough for you or if I’ll ever be the person I was before… but I do know that when you’re here, it feels right and… I miss you when you’re gone. And I don’t know if I can give you enough to make you happy in the way you deserve but I want to try but I also don’t want to lose you and I know that’s selfish.” 

Maddie is all too quick to shake her head, giddily smiling down at him as she presses her forehead against his. “You’re the most selfless person I know.” 

“No, god no, I think that’s you.”

She wants to argue with him, moving her hand down to his to lace their fingers together before she pulls his hand towards her chest, grinning, “The best thing is that we have all the time in the world to try, right?” It’s not going to be easy, he’s still healing and he still has panic attacks that physically hurt to watch because he’s already been through so much. Too much. “We don’t have to rush anything except maybe dinner because I am starving and you need to eat if you’re gonna grow up big and strong.” It’s with a wink and a smirk that she pulls back, laughing when he lets out a groan before she helps him out of the bed.

“Maddie?” She turns to look at him, “Maybe we can pop by the station tomorrow? I think I need to.” 

It’s the first time he’s ever asked and it’s enough for her to step forward, wrapping both her arms around his neck when she kisses his lips softly, nodding her head when she pulls back, “I think that can be arranged, I know some people who will be very happy to see you.” It’s a big step for him, she knows how terrified he has been to step foot in the place that he called home and to be around the people he considered to be family. But it’s a step in the right direction and a little closer to normalcy for him which is more than enough for now.


	12. Chapter 12

Maddie sort of - completely and utterly - regrets giving the 118 the heads up that Chimney wanted to pop by the station. She should have known better because even she’s overwhelmed by the amount of people standing there with grins on their faces and a banner above their heads that reads ‘Chimney - 1. Death - 0’ and it’s as though the entire world has frozen for a moment when she sees the look on his face. It had taken a lot for him to walk through those doors in the first place but the reminder is… well, it’s up there for everyone to see and she wishes she could take it back. If they had just… turned up, maybe the element of surprise would have been the best thing. 

He’s able to walk without crutches now but he tires easily, which she knows he finds equal parts frustrating and embarrassing because from the stories she’s heard from him and his friends, he was the one bouncing around the station, eager and raring to go. Now… well now life is different for him but it doesn’t mean it’s going to be this way forever. Maddie knows, more than most, that sometimes it’s hard to see past the present when it all seems too daunting and too terrifying. 

She tries not to take it too personally when she wraps an arm around his waist and he flinches away from her as though she’s burnt him. It hurts but she knows the ache in her chest from the rejection is nothing compared to whatever is running through his head right then. It doesn’t stop the desire she has to just hold him and tell him that it’s okay, that they can leave. It’s difficult, at the same time, not to find joy in the happiness his friends and colleagues have when they see him. She’d always known he was loved but seeing it in person is enough to make her smile, just a little. 

“We can go if you want.” She finally whispers, low enough so only he can hear before the tension on his face is replaced with one of determination before he shakes his head. He’s stubborn and she wants to tell him to sit down but the words die on her lips when he steps forward and she sees a smile on his lips that looks about as fake as the words that fall from his lips. Maybe the people who aren’t quite so close to him won’t be able to see through the facade as he tells a joke and he lets out this laugh that doesn’t sound like his own. She can see those walls being built around him as various people tap him on the shoulder and he tries to make light of the situation in a way he’s never done in front of her before. 

It’s all an act, she knows that much, but it doesn’t stop the fear from building up inside of her that it’s going to end up backfiring. Maddie doesn’t want him to push himself too far but she also knows she’s not his keeper, and she’ll be there to catch him if he falls (literally and figuratively) if he needs her to. For now, she hovers back, wrapping her arms tightly around herself as she bites down on her lip. The 118 had done nothing but made her feel welcome from the beginning but she still holds back because this is an entirely new dynamic she has never experienced before. She’s been at the station by herself, she’d spent time, mostly with Hen but Chimney there was just… strange. Seeing him in a different environment was… enough to make sure she stayed close enough if he decided to drop the act she didn’t recognise as the person she had started to fall in love with. 

It’s her brother who is by her side next, probably feeling just as awkward as she did because he was relatively the new guy and had never worked with the man she had coincidentally met via a phone call that still haunted her to this day. “Kinda feels like we’re at one of mom and dad’s parties again, huh?” 

It’s with a small laugh that Maddie nods her head, remembering how the two of them had usually hid in the corner of the room or found a reason to escape to the yard, surrounded by people they had nothing in common with. But these were meant to be her brother’s people and she was friends with a lot of them. She digs her nails into her arm when she sees the slight sway of Chimney’s body before he catches himself, her eyes staring at his back as she holds her breath, resisting the urge to go running over there and fussing over him in the way he clearly doesn’t want her to in front of his friends. “You need to get to know him at some point, you know.” 

Buck nods, and she wonders what’s holding him back, unless he truly doesn’t think Chimney will ever return to work. “Kinda feels like I’m intruding on a private moment. They talk about him a lot and so do you but… I don’t know him. I know I didn’t replace him but it kinda feels that way sometimes.” Maddie frowns but nods her head anyway, gently nudging her brother’s arm with her shoulder before she takes a breath, trying to tell herself that it’ll be okay.

. 

By the time they walk through the door of his apartment, Chimney feels as though he could sleep for the next few days. He stumbles, flinching away when he finds Maddie’s hand resting on his lower back before he shakes his head. It wasn’t her fault, he tries to tell himself that but… he needed someone to be on the receiving end of the bitterness he feels bubbling inside of him. He can’t put into words how much it had pained him to see his team all getting up and running out of the station the moment the alarms had sounded, without him. How much it had hurt to hear the stories of everything they have done over the last few months, knowing he would never be a part of it. Maybe he never would again. 

He’d tried so hard to pretend that he was okay, even when his head felt heavy and his legs were starting to feel like jelly. He wanted to scream or cry or hit something because it was unfair. He was meant to be out there on calls with them. He was meant to be the one sitting next to Hen in that ambulance and he was the one who was meant to have a few stories to tell here and there. What could he say beyond the fact he had been in a coma and now he was awake and his life-changing event had only made his life worse? He barely had the salary to cover his bills month to month, some days he truly didn’t feel as though he had the energy to get out of bed, and the day she did… only reminded him of everything he had lost. 

Going to the station had only reminded him of everything he had lost and he should have known that would have been the case from the moment he had walked through the doors. The banner had been intimidating, to say the least and he had felt Maddie tense up as she had stood next to him but neither of them had said a word. Sure, he felt as though he had cheated death but at what cost? He had lost everything he had once cared about and he feels guilt even thinking about it because it’s as though he should feel grateful for a second chance. A second chance at what? Struggling through life? Unable to find something he will ever love as much as he had being a Firefighter-Paramedic? And he’s not stupid, plenty of people who have been at the 118 a lot longer than he has, had left and eventually, the meeting up stoped and the memories were replaced with new ones, the rescue stories that had once been amazing were just… overtaken with new, better, more daring ones. 

Soon, whilst the 118 would probably deny it, he’d be replaced. He can’t imagine a world in which he will ever get back to the person he was before and the last thing in the world he needs right then is for Maddie to give him a pep talk. 

“Let’s get you to bed.” Maddie finally suggests, although she doesn’t make an attempt to touch him again and he’s grateful for it but the anger he feels towards himself and the constantly building self-loathing forces him to shake his head. 

“I just want to be alone.” 

The woman who hadn’t really faltered in her loyalty to him that he still didn’t truly understand, doesn’t look as though she’s surprised by his words. But he still sees the hurt cross her face for just a second, before she shakes it off, “Let’s get you to bed,” She repeats, “and then I’ll leave, I promise. It’s been a long day.” 

“It’s been fucking two hours.” It comes out before he can stop it, the snappiness of his tone causing her to take a step away from him and usually, the frown on her face and the tears in her eyes would be enough to make him take a step back and re-evaluate but the exhaustion from trying to be the person he had been before his life went to hell, was weighing heavy on his shoulders.

To her credit, Maddie doesn’t cry, she doesn’t run out of the apartment, instead, she nods her head as she looks at him, “I know that but… you pushed yourself a lot today, Howie and... you need to rest and I’m going to let you get that rest but let me help you first.” The crack in her voice gives her away and he realises how they had been kissing the night before, and the swell of happiness he had felt in his chest had been so quickly replaced by the anger that she may never know the man he was before all of this. How long could she be his caretaker before she found someone more worthy? Someone who could… show her around LA without needing to sit down every hour or so. Someone who could date her on dates and actually afford to pay the bill without worrying about the electricity that month. Someone who would be able to give back everything she gave him to him. 

“I don’t need help!” His voice reverberates through his apartment, barely recognising it as his own as he throws his arms up. “I need to be alone, I need to fucking breathe, you’re suffocating me.” It’s not fair, he knows that because she’s probably one of the only people, besides Hen, who hasn’t treated him with kid gloves but god, right then, even the slightest touch or the genuine care in her eyes is enough to make him feel as though he’s going to scream. He wants to wake up and find out all of this is a nightmare and he hates himself for it but if it meant never knowing who Maddie was, he’d take back that life he’d had before his accident and hold onto it with every ounce of strength within him. “Get out! Get the fuck out.” 

It’s weak, about as weak as the grip he has on her arm a few seconds later, staggering towards the door before he pushes her out and slams it behind her. The feeling of being alone is more a relief than anything, the tension of the day releasing almost immediately as he collapses to the ground with a broken sob. He’d give up anything to belong at the 118 again but it seems to be asking for another miracle for his body to work in the way it used to because no matter how hard he works in physical therapy, the furthest he’s gotten without needing to sit down is one loop around the tiny park nearest to his apartment building. 

His mom had once told him that everything happened for a reason, he lets out a bitter laugh as the memory hits him because this is the third thing that has happened to him in his life where he can’t find the sense, let alone the reason. 

It sounds pathetic, and insignificant but all he can think about is how it’s just not fair. None of it is fair.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for PTSD and potential implied suicidal thoughts.

Maddie bites down on her lip as she stares at the door of Chimney’s apartment. It’s been three hours since he had kicked her out and she’s at a loss for what to do. She’d left… she’d wanted to give him some time to breathe and to talk to Hen away from where he could potentially hear the conversation. Leaving him had been hard but a necessity; he wanted to be alone and the least she could give him what he _wanted_ , even if it was hard for her. Her feelings were hurt but… they weren’t what mattered. 

Hen had told her to text her if Chimney didn’t let her in - she didn’t _want_ to stay away but neither of them thought it would be the best idea in the world to overwhelm him when all of this had stemmed from that very feeling. The other woman was barely fifteen minutes away, though, and she was ready to take over if needed. Otherwise, there was the promise to turn up in the morning with coffee and cake for the three of them. Maddie hopes that’s the case, that Chimney will open the door for her. 

Her hand knocks gently against the door, leaning forward a little to press her forehead against the wood as she sighs, “Chim? Howie…” There’s nothing and she shouldn’t be surprised, she’d seen the look on his face when he’d pushed her from his apartment, she’d seen the panic and the tears in his eyes that had probably fallen the moment the door had been slammed shut. “I um, I understand if you want to be alone. And I will leave, for good this time, I promise but I just need to know that you’re okay?” The silence is deafening and she doesn’t want to use her key, she doesn’t _want_ to barge in on him but she knows, if he doesn’t answer her, that’s exactly what she will have to do. 

“Can you… I don’t know, make a noise? Throw something? Tell me to fuck off?” She lets out a sad laugh before she pouts, “Anything? Just so I know you’re okay?” Maddie holds her breath, waiting for a moment, closing her eyes. It’s hard to ignore the worry pulsating through her, the images of him having collapsed and being unable to get up, or having had a panic attack that he couldn’t pull himself from… perhaps he’d aspirated and… she shouldn’t have left him alone. Even if Hen agreed that she had done the best thing for him at that moment, she should have stayed outside and listened instead of going to the store and trying to find a few bits to cheer him up. 

A tear falls, a second away from pulling her phone out and asking Hen if she can come because Maddie is terrified at the prospect of walking into his apartment and finding him hurt or… or worse. She stumbles back at the sound of the lock turning, gulping down the lump in her throat, finally letting out a breath when she’s face to face with him. There’s a sheepish smile on his face, an embarrassed flush of his cheeks as he looks at her, his eyes rimmed red as though he had been crying non-stop for the past few hours and it breaks her heart to know he’d been alone. Even if it was what he wanted and what he needed. 

“I’m sorry.” They both say at the same time, shaking their heads at each other before his hand reaches for his and a relief washes over her before she gently places her hand on his. When his thumb brushes over her knuckles, she finds herself stepping forward, wishing more than anything that she could take all of his pain away from him. It wasn’t as simple as waking up from a coma and just… getting on with life again. He misses the life he had before, the life he can’t get back until he’s one hundred percent back to where he had been prior to the accident and it breaks her heart to know that might take years. 

“You don’t have to talk to me, Chim but will you talk to someone? Hen? Bobby? Your therapist?” 

The slight pink of his cheeks flush a darker shade of red when he pulls on her hand a little to force her to stumble forwards, enough so he can close the door to his apartment behind her and she’s once again where she had been in the hours before. This time, she holds onto his hand a little tighter, in the hopes that he won’t change his mind and force her back out, “How do you know I don’t talk to my therapist already?” He mumbles, avoiding her gaze for a second whilst his other hand lifts up to scratch the back of his neck, shifting awkwardly from one foot to the other. 

“I’ve been in therapy for a long time, I-I know how it can look when you come out of there having just… spent your time being open and honest for an answer. You always look as though you’re carrying the same load you were when you walk in there.” Maddie tries to keep her voice gentle, not wanting to push him into telling her anything he doesn’t want to. She knows him and he knows her but… it hasn’t been _that_ long and he has a lot of other people who know him better than she does, and for longer. “Hen is on standby, she can come over if you’d prefer?”

“I just feel lost all the time.” Her heart thumps against her chest as she slowly sets the grocery bag down on the floor, not letting go of her hand as she does and not saying anything, just in case it stops him in his tracks. “This… life changing thing happened to me and I survived and I should be grateful but… my life has _changed_ but… not for the better. It was already hard and lonely and… I wanted so much more for myself by now but I-I can’t… I can’t even go for a run or I can’t… I can’t walk for longer than sixty minutes which I know is thirty minutes longer than it was a month ago but it’s significantly less than it was a year ago and--it’s not fair. None of this is _fair_ and… I feel like I died that night. I feel like I shouldn’t be here and most of the time, I don’t want to be. I don’t want this. I don’t want this body, I don’t want this life, I didn’t ask for this, I didn’t… I-I don’t… I don’t deserve this. No one deserves this and I know... I know that there are people out there who have it worse and I’m probably being a selfish asshole but this isn’t…”

Tears are falling down both of their faces by the time he finally takes a breath, her hand moving to press against his cheek as her other holds onto his a little tighter. The thought of him wishing he were dead causes a stab of pain to rush through her, as though a knife had been twisted in her chest. She knew it was bad but… hearing him say it out loud and probably for the first time he’d ever admitted to it… she hopes it helps to heal him because a world without him would be… _awful_ to say the least. 

“This isn’t where I wanted to be at forty-two.” He finally manages to get out, shaking his head, “My ma was forty-two when she died and I know… the irony, it keeps me up at night because… I thought I’d get longer than she did, I thought I could make a difference, live for the both of us and for Kevin… I thought I could… I thought I could live the life of three people and do good, give care, love… be loved… I-I thought I could have that but… i-instead I got a stupid fucking car crash that I should never have survived and all I have to show for everything I worked so hard for is a uniform I’ll probably never get to wear again and memories that feel more like a slap across the face than a comfort right now.” There’s a bitterness to his voice, his voice cracking and she wishes there was something she could say or do to make it all better but she knows this is way beyond some comforting words and promises that may never come true. She wants to tell him that he’ll be okay, that he will be back with the 118 before he knows it. But it could be a lie. She wants to tell him that he can find something else, he can help people another way because she’s no stranger to having to start over and find something new and different because the thing she had loved was no longer plausible for her. But he’s not her, and there isn’t anything else he wants to do. 

Maddie knows that he wants to be back in the station with his family, he wants to be riding the ambulance with his best friend and giving as much care to as many people as he possibly can because it’s what he loves. And instead, he’s stuck at home, only leaving for physical therapy and actual therapy and a walk around the block a few times a day and it’s not enough. Of course it’s not enough. 

Slowly, she takes a step forward, closing the gap between their bodies as she lets go of his hand and cups his face gently with both of her hands. “I’m sorry you’re hurting and I wish I could take it all away for you but it won’t hurt forever. It won’t be like this forever.” Their eyes meet and she gently brushes her nose against his, her chest hurting at the sight of the look in his eyes. “You’re not alone, you have people who love you so, so very much. I love you.” 

“Why?”

The question takes her by surprise, frowning as her hands drop from his face and move to his chest instead, taking comfort in the soft beating of his heart. “You don’t have to answer that, it was a stupid question.” 

She shakes her head, her fingers curling around his top, trying to find the words because she’s sure none of it makes much sense. She’s been in love before, it’s not a new or foreign feeling but this was different, it was born out of something terrible and for months, their relationship (if it could even be called that) was one-sided and whilst Chimney remembered things that she had only ever told him whilst his eyes were closed and his brain was resting, she remembers everything. “You’re kind… you… you are hurting so, so much but you still ask me if I’m okay, you still phone Mr and Mrs Lee every few days, just to make sure they’re doing okay. You… you check on Hen and the rest of the 118 when you know it’s been a difficult day and… you could barely stand a few weeks ago and yet, when Hen came here to unload about the difficulties her and Karen are going through at the moment… you still held her, you still made her laugh.” 

Genuine kindness was a rare and beautiful thing and she had heard the stories, she had seen the look in his friends faces when they had spoken of all the things he had done for them but she had witnessed it first-hand now and it was… refreshing. She had spent years with a man who was the opposite of everything Chimney believed in whilst pretending to be everything Chimney was to the outside world. There was no fakeness, no… pretense, not with him. Never with him. “I wish you’d be as kind to yourself as you are to everyone else.” She finally whispers, taking a deep trembling breath, “I love that you have the most extensive DVD collection I have ever seen and you refuse to subscribe to any streaming service. I love the look you get on your face when you’re talking about something or someone that you love and I love how gentle you are. How… how life hasn’t been easy or kind to you but you try and make the world a better place anyway.” 

Maddie opens her mouth to continue, scrambling through the million thoughts in her head until his lips come crashing to hers, taking her breath away. She smiles when she can feel his own lips upturning against hers, sliding her hands around his shoulders as she pulls him close whilst he loops his arms around her waist. Their lips linger, pulling away only to catch their breaths, lips clumsily pressing together through tear-filled laughter. 

“I love you, too.” He finally whispers, when a few minutes have passed and they’re staring into each other’s eyes, their cheeks flushed and their chests heaving. She can feel his hands starting to wander, a slight tremble in his movements as he gulps, her hand slipping down into his before she takes a step backwards in the direction of the bedroom, tugging his hand. “Are you sure?”

Maddie nods, knowing that she wants to feel connected with him in a way she hasn’t wanted to with anyone for a really long time and she knows by the look in his eyes, it’s what he wants, too. “We don’t have to… _do_ anything,” She murmurs, just knowing that she wants to feel him close, even if it’s just holding each other and falling asleep in his arms, “but I just wanna be close to you tonight, is that okay?”

He nods his head in confirmation, his hand tight in hers when he steps forward, too, a smile on his lips, “I’d like that. I’d really like that.”


	14. Chapter 14

Hen wasn’t entirely sure what to expect as she takes a breath and turns the key in the lock of Chimney’s apartment. For emergencies, that was what he had said when he’d given her the key a few years previously and she had come into work the next day with a key for her own home and a repetition of the same words he had told her. They were each other’s people, that went unspoken for such a long time. They simply didn’t  _ need _ words to tell the other how they felt. She didn’t feel the need to remind him that he was the best friend she had ever had and that she had no idea what she would do without him. 

Hen would never admit this out loud to anyone other than Karen but when she’d thought he was never going to wake up or when she thought he would never make it back through the doors of the station, she was going to leave the 118. Now, she clings to the hope that she will ride in the ambulance with him one day again, she sees him getting stronger and doing better and she knows… she has to know, that one day, he’ll be back in his uniform and everything will feel right again. People come and go, but Chimney? No. He couldn’t leave the 118, not until they both did.

Words were all she had for a few months whilst he laid there, silent, resting, recovering. And Hen isn’t sure she has ever spoken as much as she had when his eyes were closed. She had told him and she had told Maddie and anyone who would listen about everything and anything. How he was her best friend, how much she loved him, every story, every memory, every funny thing he ever said to make her laugh. She spoke of promises they had made each and promises she would make to him if he ever woke up. How she would always be there, no matter what, how she would laugh at his jokes, even if they weren’t that funny, how she would never give up on him because he was a hero. A real life superhero, just as she told her son every single time he asked about his uncle. 

It’s a relief though, to know that he has found love, even if he maybe doesn’t see it himself just yet. And she understands why he and Maddie are taking it slow and why they both hold back. Maddie because she still hasn’t come to terms with how they met, still feeling the guilt over coming to the hospital to check on him because the call had stuck in her mind and it was the first time she had ever sought out the knowledge on how an open ended call ended. And Chimney because he still doesn’t feel good enough for anyone, he never has and it breaks her heart to know that about her best friend because he was so completely and utterly worthy of love. More so than anyone she had met before Maddie and now, there are no two people in the world more worthy of each other. 

Hen knows that they can make each other happy if they stop hesitating; Karen used to joke about it all the time until they decided to try for a baby and now their world is consumed with that. It sounds crazy, but as she walks into Chimney’s apartment with a bag of fresh bagels and some coffee’s for what she hopes is the three of them considering she didn’t hear from Maddie after she’d returned to Chimney’s last night, this feels more of an emotional reprieve for her. Being home was exhausting at the moment and she hates herself for thinking that or feeling that way but the heavy weight of her wife being angry at the world and at her is… crippling. And somehow, Chimney… in all his anger, too and in all of his devastation and confusion, still manages to make her smile. He’s still that breath of fresh air, that lifeline she had never known she needed until she had let him in. 

She frowns when her foot kicks a bag of discarded groceries on the floor, shutting the door behind her before she settles the coffee’s and her own bag on the kitchen counter as she looks around. And then she hears it, the sound coming closer and she realises it’s something she’s not heard in such a long time - a genuine, carefree sort of laughter that makes her heart feel full. Chimney was good at making people laugh and he laughed a lot but this was a different sound. It’s the laughter she had heard when he had cried at hers and Karen’s wedding, it’s the laughter she had heard when Denny had walked into his arms for the first time. The kind of sound that she hadn’t realised she missed until she’s hearing it and then watching him round the corner with his arms wrapped around an equally happy, giggling Maddie, wearing only one of his old LAFD tops, the two of them so lost in each other they don’t see her for a moment. 

Hen would feel guilty for getting in the midst of such an intimate moment but her joy overtakes that. The swelling of her heart and the way tears threaten to spill as she’s looking at the scene in front of her, realising how close they had come to Chimney never feeling  _ real _ love. That’s all Maddie has shown him, even more so as they got the chance to know each in the months since his eyes had opened. The kind of love that Hen had never understood until she had met Karen and now… right before her very eyes, Chimney was getting his chance, too. And she knows it won’t heal everything but it’s a start; showing him what he’s capable of and what he’s worthy of and giving him just one more reason to fight through the darkness she knows he’s succumbing to. 

“Hen?” It’s Chimney who notices her first with Maddie too caught up in all that is him, her hand reaching behind her to rest on his cheek as her eyes fixate on his face until he’d looked up and now the two of them are staring at her. She’d be more embarrassed if she hadn’t told Maddie the night before that she would be over with breakfast in the morning, so her being there isn’t unexpected. Maddie, however, drops her hand from Chimney’s cheek to yank down on the top as her entire face flushes a dark shade of red whilst her best friend seems… unashamed, almost smug and Hen realises how much she had missed him when their eyes meet and he’s grinning at her as though he has a story to tell her later. And she most definitely cannot wait to hear it. 

“I brought bagels and coffee.” She finally offers, the smirk not dissipating when she takes in the view of one very embarrassed Maddie as she slightly moves to hide herself behind Chimney. As though Hen looking at her shirtless, clad only in boxers best friend is any better a sight. “Why don’t you two go get dressed and then you can tell me how this happened because the last I heard…” She gestures haphazardly around them as though that explains what she was going to say because as much as she wants to say the words ‘panic attack’ and ‘tears’, she doesn’t want to potentially spoil the joy that seems to be in the room right then. 

Maddie is the first to practically run off, and Hen takes the opportunity to close the gap between her and Chimney before he can move, grabbing his arm to stop him from turning back towards his bedroom, “I’m really happy for you, Howard.” A name reserved only for the most serious of conversations, their eyes meeting as she nods her head and hopes he understands the importance and meaning behind her words. Because once… there was a chance that none of this would happen. That he would be frozen in time as the Chimney she had known before and she knows that there is still a long path ahead of him, that he still has hurdles and things he needs to overcome but this… this is  _ good _ and it is new and it’s what both he and Maddie needed. 

Chimney’s smile is bright and as genuine as his laugh had been when she’d first walked in, his eyes sparkle again and it feels as though some of his weight has been lifted. “Thank you.” The sound of a door closing to what she presumes is the bedroom distracts him for a second, his voice low when he turns to her, “I love her.” He gulps down the lump in his throat, “And I don’t know if that’s selfish of me because I’m brok--” 

“Don’t say that. Don’t do that…” As serious as her tone had been before, it increases when she squeezes his arm, “you’re not broken, you are the furthest thing from broken. You are a superhero, Howard Han.” Hen presses her finger a little gently against the scar on his forehead as if to make her point, “There are not many people in this world who can say they survived what you did and look at you now. You’re standing in front of me, in love with a woman you didn’t even know this time last year. You are alive, Chimney and you are loved by so, so many people. You are so incredibly worthy of the way Maddie looks at you, and the way she talks about you. This is everything you wanted and so much more, remember?” He nods, tears dancing in his eyes, cheek flush with the intensity of which he’s trying to stop himself from crying. “To be loved the way you love and I know you want more but I have no doubt in my mind that I will be walking into the station one day with you by my side, so I need you to stop doubting that, too.” 

With a slow nod of his head he smiles at her, wiping at the tear that escapes before he takes a breath, “You’re an amazing friend, Hen.” She grins at him, giving him a one shouldered shrug because she knows damn well that they’ve been amazing friends to each other from the moment she had given into his charm. “And an amazing partner that I will work with again.” There’s that determination in his voice that he had been missing over the last few months and they smile at each other. 

“You should have had sex with Maddie sooner if this what happens.” She teases, brushing over the clear revelation that had come the night before, knowing that either he or Maddie - or, now, she supposes both of them  _ together _ \- will reprise her of soon. 

It still feels good when he rolls his eyes and flicks his fingers against her arm before he steps back, “You’re an asshole.”

“Yeah, an asshole who brings you breakfast. Go save your very embarrassed girl and tell her I’ve walked into your apartment and seen worse.” 

A second roll of his eyes, followed by a middle finger this time, “Yeah, I’m not telling her that.” He laughs again and Hen is sure it’s the best sound she’s heard in a really long time as she watches him walk away, catching the grin on his face when he opens the bedroom door and slips inside. Hen takes a breath, looking around the apartment that had felt so empty and lonely for such a long time when he was in the hospital, a grin on her face when she heard the sound of laughter and Maddie half shouting-half laughing out Chimney’s name.

It was going to be okay, more than okay. It had to be.


	15. Chapter 15

Maddie wraps an arm around Chimney’s waist as she grins, tilting her head up to look at him, just breathing it all in. She adores the way his eyes light up when he smiles and the beautiful sound of his laughter as her brother tells another awful joke about something that she’s barely paying any attention to. 

Her other hand moves, to adjust his name badge, pinned proudly to his uniform, pressing a kiss to his shoulder as she sighs in content. This was months and months of hard work in the making and she had never felt prouder of another person as she did right then. She doesn’t think she’s stopped feeling proud of him since he’d gone back to the academy for his recertification and even before that. Through every painful physical therapy session, every run he forced her on when he felt strong enough, every therapy session he’d walk out of with a weight off his shoulders when he’d finally opened up.

He was amazing and she couldn’t imagine being so enthralled with another person as she was with him. She’s distracted for another moment by the feeling of a wet nose against her bare knee, looking down at their eager puppy before she settles a hand gently on top of his head, “I think Bear is really proud of his daddy, too.” It’s with a smile and a pout that she ruffles one of the golden labradoodle’s ears, until her eyes glance back up at the bright eyes of her boyfriend, unable to comprehend just how bursting full of confidence he looks as he stands in his uniform for the first time in over a year. 

“I love you.” It feels as though she could melt when his nose nudges against hers, not sure she could have ever imagined a world so full of love and joy when she’d first moved to LA a few years before. It wasn’t easy, there had been moments of darkness, when both of them had been exhausted and he’d really wondered if he’d ever get back everything he wanted and she wondered if she could ever be enough. They got through it though and they were stronger for it. 

It’s with a grin that she snuggles a little further into his side, giggling as Bear sits on both their feet as though he wants in on the action (he always did as the world’s best therapy dog). “I love you, too.” 

“Are you gonna let him go today?” It’s with a pout that she glances at a smirking Hen when she stands in front of them, Bear immediately leaving their side to join his Aunt who usually (always) had a pocketful of treats for him. It’s going to be strange, Maddie thinks, because she’s used to coming home to Chimney being there and she’s used to taking care of him or never having to miss him because he’d always answer the phone when she needed him if she was in work and now… this was going to be different. A change in their dynamic but she can feel the swell of happiness as she holds him, giggling as she presses her lips to his neck, knowing his welcome party will be over soon and she’ll have to say goodbye. She’ll have to leave him at the station and wonder how he’s doing for the rest of the day. 

Hen, as always, seems to know what she’s thinking, an affectionate smile on her face, “I’ve got his back, I promise.” Maddie knows, but it’s still good to hear because if there’s anyone in this world that she knows she can trust with Chimney’s well being, it’s Hen. The woman who had been there for him and for the two of them, the amazing woman who had welcomed her into their family with open arms and never made her feel crazy or less than anyone else in that hospital room. As much as fate seems to have led her to have a place in Chimney’s life, it led her to Hen, too and she has no idea what she would do without her. 

“I know, just going to miss him.” Her hand moves to his cheek, tilting his face towards her so she can press her lips to his, pulling back for her eyes to linger on the scar in the middle of his forehead, reminding her of everything they had been through together, and everything he had been through alone. “I hope you know how proud I am of you.” She’s told him probably a thousand times by now, but the look in his eyes and the way he seems to inflate, a lopsided grin on his face, tells her that he still loves hearing it. And she’ll never grow tired of saying it because she can remember every tear shed, every frustrated rant, every angry word aimed towards himself and the universe and every time he had ever told her that he was tired of fighting. But fighting for his life and the life he wanted is exactly why he’s standing where he is right now and she can’t stop the tears in her eyes when she thinks of every hurdle he’s overcome. 

Chimney laughs, although she can see the tears in his eyes, too, “Are you gonna cry again?” It may be the fourth… perhaps the fifth time she’s burst into tears since this morning but he’s amazing in every single way possible. “You’ll set me off.” 

“Come on guys, food is ready!” The shout of his Captain can be heard and Maddie finds herself watching as the 118 all start to move towards the table, smiling at Hen before she walks off, Bear knowing exactly who to follow to get the food. It’s only for a brief moment that she unwraps her arms from his waist, grabbing onto his hand instead as she bites down on her lip. 

“You’ve worked so hard for this,” She finally settles on saying out loud, “and I know that this is… everything you’ve ever wanted but I’d be a terrible girlfriend if I didn’t double check that you’re ready for all this?” Their eyes meet, and by the look on his face, she already has her answer, but when he nods his head and smiles, her heart settles. It’s terrifying, knowing he’s a first responder and he’s going to be out in the thick of it all, especially when she’s only ever known him as being safe at home. But it’s something she will happily get used to if it means seeing him happy. 

Both of his hands press to either side of her face, forcing her to look into his eyes, his grin brighter than the sun and she looks at him as though he’s hung the moon and the stars with a matching smile on her face. “I couldn’t have done any of this without you. Thank you.” 

The serious tone to his voice forces the tears to spill over before she nods her head, “You’ll never be without me,” is all she manages to get out before she takes a breath, a pathetic laugh falling from her lips until he presses his against hers and she loops her arms around his neck to pull him closer. They pull back, breathless and their cheeks flushed, his forehead pressing to hers, “You’re home.”

It’s with a shrug that Chimney brushes his lips down her nose, before he peppers open mouthed kisses over her cheeks and jaw, as she laughs. “You’re my home, this is just a bonus.” And her laughter stops, head tilting to the side as she lets out a half sob, half laugh, moving her hand to press against his cheek instead, just taking the moment in until their names are shouted across the station. 

Both their eyes move towards their family, each of them seated around the table, with two empty spaces meant for them as his arm moves around her shoulders and hers around his waist, walking towards the excited babbling of the people they love. Maddie still can’t quite believe that in the aftermath of so much trauma, there can be just as much joy. She ruffles her brother’s hair as she walks past him, squeezing Bobby’s shoulder before she takes her seat next to Hen with a grin as she feels Chimney’s hand settling on her knee beneath the table. 

“Is everything okay?” She looks at Hen, a confident nod of her head following before she exhales, glancing at Chimney before she answers. 

“More than okay, this is perfect.”


End file.
